Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

Product Description

Features

• Book - eight dates: essential conversations for a lifetime of love
• Language: english
• Binding: hardcover

Top Reviews

Straightforward and practical advice for creating a more solid romantic relationship.
by Ladybug (5 out of 5 stars)
February 5, 2019

John Gottman is basically a love guru. He has studied thousands of relationships, and after several decades of clinical observation and study, he can predict with 97% accuracy if a couple will stay together or divorce.

I read one of Gottman's earlier books called The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work when my husband and I were having a rough time just after we were married. It absolutely changed the way I approached our relationship, and it helped us both better communicate so we could come together to work through our issues and move on. (We've been married 13 years now.)

I was expecting good things from Eight Dates, and boy did it deliver. The book is divided into eight sections, one for each date. The dates cover eight of the most meaningful, important, and, often, contentious topics that couples deal with: trust and commitment, conflict, sex, money, family, fun and adventure, growth and spirituality, and dreams. Before the dates are introduced, an intro gives characteristics of successful marriages, as well as advice on how to have an intimate conversation and how to listen.

There is SO MUCH interesting info in this book! I know not everyone is going to froth at the mouth over learning how couples interact with each other, but I seriously couldn't get enough. It's all so interesting to me, discovering what is "normal" and what actually creates a lasting connection, especially when it doesn't necessarily match up with what I expected. Some of my favorite insights:
*** Successful marriages have 20 positive interactions for every 1 negative interaction.
*** Sixty-nine percent of conflicts in most marriages will never be solved. The trick is to fight about (or let go of) these issues effectively.
*** Eighty-percent of married couples have sex at least a few times a month. Of those, 32% have sex 2 to 3 times a week.
*** Studies have shown that dual-career couples with young children spend only 10% of their evenings together, with most of that time spent discussing errands. (In other words, they have to work extra hard to keep that romantic spark alive...)
*** The five most common subjects that couples fight about are money, sex, in-laws, alcohol or drug use, and parenting.
*** Arguments about the unpaid work in a relationship (chores and childcare) tend to cause the most conflict.
*** The eight most important elements of a successful marriage are fidelity, good sex, division of chores, adequate income, good housing, shared religious beliefs, shared interests, and children.
*** Stay at home parents do about $90,000 worth of work per year. (#preach)
*** An early indicator of the future success of a marriage happens during pregnancy and the birth of a child. If a husband (the study only involved heterosexual couples) is involved during pregnancy and birth, the marriage will be happier later on. A father tends to stay involved with the children through the years if his marriage has low conflict and there is continued sex.
*** Play is a vital component of a relationship. Couples who play together, stay together. This includes experiencing laughter, excitement, anxiety, and curiosity, both separately and together.
*** Conflict is how our relationships grow.
*** It's important for couples to share their dreams with each other. Keeping your dreams from your partner leads to bitterness, resentment, loss of passion and desire, and distance.
*** Every person has a dream or life purpose, and it should never be sacrificed for the relationship. It's possible for both people to achieve their dreams, just typically not at the same time.

Is that too much to share? I seriously could go on and on. I just find this stuff fascinating.

Practically speaking, this book is very user-friendly. It talks about each topic, summarizes the chapter, then lays out a date night plan complete with suggestions for how to prepare, where to go, problems to look out for, questions to ask, and an affirmation to say together at the end of the date. It's intense but also very doable. My husband and I haven't gone through each of these dates yet, but the ones we've done have been really interesting and made us feel more connected.

In short, I'd recommend this book to any couple looking to take their relationship to the next level. Five enthusiastic stars!
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Missing chapters!
by Julie Thompson (3 out of 5 stars)
February 9, 2019

There are several chapters missing in this book. It goes from page 88 to 122. See photo above. Will return it but want to make sure the new book is complete.
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Practical and inspiring
by Kindle Customer (4 out of 5 stars)
March 8, 2019

An easy read with almost countless probing questions, many practical steps, and digestible statistics, this book is also full of real hope and optimism. My only criticism is that it can, at times, be too optimistic and almost naive about the real conflicts and challenges that couples can face -- and the times at which, I believe, there is a right and wrong, and we cannot always just be curious and infinitely accepting of our partners.
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The conversatiosn you never kenw you needed to have.
by Leslie S. (5 out of 5 stars)
February 5, 2019

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love is a new book by marriage experts John and Julie Gottman. The book aims to encourage couples to "date" each other in order to strengthen their marriages. As the title suggests, Gottman and Gottman provide resources for eight dates which primarily focus on essential conversations to have with each other. . Each chapter provides background information on the topic including why it is an essential conversation and why the topic is important for a long, lasting marriage. At the end of the chapter a list of questions is provided along with suggestions for a date.

This is a book where ideally each spouse has a copy or has a copy they can easily share. For this reason, the hardbound copy would be a better purchase. While useful for couples of all ages, couples still in the earlier years of their relationship will benefit the most from this resource. Marriage therapists and pre-marital counselors will wish to add this resource to their arsenal of tools as well.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received the book Eight Dates via NetGalley. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.
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Great Book as all of Gottman's book
by IBC (5 out of 5 stars)
March 26, 2019

I highly recommend this book to anyone who is contemplating marriage or even the ones that have gotten married. It's simple to read with plenty of exercises to practice with your partner. Marriage could be a blessing and can also be hell, that's why I recommend you to grab this book and read its whole content before you make any decisions. John and Julie Gottman have the largest research in the USA and probably on the planet regarding couples functioning.
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A MUST read for couples!
by Angelia Ayres (5 out of 5 stars)
April 9, 2019

My husband and I love this book so much! We got to see the Gottman's speak about this book when it first came out- which made us love the book even more! I am a huge fan of the Gottman's and have read many of their books, however this one is definitely a new favorite! It's reads super easy, and we bring it with us on our date night. They give guidelines for the date, meaningful conversations and recap at the end of each chapter. Adding an intentional date every week, or even once a month can strengthen your relationship! I love that this book is for everyone, not just married couples.
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Wish We Had This Book Years Ago!
by C. Eagan (5 out of 5 stars)
March 14, 2019

This is an awesome book and I can't more highly recommend it. Every couple can benefit from the conversations that this book helps create between you. This book also put words to some of the frustrations that each of us have had in trying to communicate together. Now, we have language and a method to discuss things without argument or tension. So helpful!
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Very deep
by Kimora-Lynn (5 out of 5 stars)
March 13, 2019

We are reading this right now as a study. I am really liking it so far. Very deep conversations and situations that really do happen. It is very informative and helps yourself and your significant other understand one another in new levels.
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Empiricism rules!
by C. W. Levin (5 out of 5 stars)
May 21, 2019

Here's a couples book that has some data behind it. A friend asked me if I was interested in "love languages". I had already been in a group with my wife based on Gottman's books. I found it very helpful and was impressed that they had actually done some research rather than just armchair theorizing. Gottman's work has some solid backing. When I asked if the method had been statistically validated, my friend was puzzled but at least he backed off. I'm glad he found "love languages" helpful but I can't help but think that he'd have been better off with something that was vetted.
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Best 8 Dates Ever!
by Miss Eva (5 out of 5 stars)
July 24, 2019

After 25 years together, my husband and I are finally able to talk about sensitive issues without anger and resentment. This book is a fun way to learn more about your partner and to work on communication skills. I also love that it's written for all couples, not just heteros. This is a "must-do" for sure!

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