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How to Become a Federal Criminal: An Illustrated Handbook for the Aspiring Offender Hardcover – June 4, 2019
A hilarious, entertaining, and illuminating compendium of the most bizarre ways you might become a federal criminal in America—from mailing a mongoose to selling Swiss cheese without enough holes—written and illustrated by the creator of the wildly popular @CrimeADay Twitter account.
Have you ever clogged a toilet in a national forest? That could get you six months in federal prison. Written a letter to a pirate? You might be looking at three years in the slammer. Leaving the country with too many nickels, drinking a beer on a bicycle in a national park, or importing a pregnant polar bear are all very real crimes, and this riotously funny, ridiculously entertaining, and fully illustrated book shows how just about anyone can become—or may already be—a federal criminal.
Whether you’re a criminal defense lawyer or just a self-taught expert in outrageous offenses, How to Become a Federal Criminal is your wonderfully weird window into a criminally overlooked sector of American government.
- Print length320 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherAtria Books
- Publication dateJune 4, 2019
- Dimensions5.5 x 0.9 x 8.38 inches
- ISBN-101982112514
- ISBN-13978-1982112516
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From the Publisher



Editorial Reviews
Review
"Both an entertaining and humorous look at our criminal justice system...Chase's book is enlightening and entertaining ... and a must have for defense attorneys who are looking to break the ice with a new client. Include How To Become A Federal Criminal on your summer reading list." ― Forbes
"Mike has that rare combination of wit and wisdom that he weaves throughout the book. It’s not just a collection of dumb and weird crimes, but explanations and anecdotes about how we got into this mess." ― Simple Justice
"A fun, frequently hilarious read that drives home an important point: Congress and federal regulators have criminalized far too much conduct, including many seemingly innocuous activities that the average person would never think are crimes. This indispensable volume can help readers avoid the slammer by taking care, among other things, not to shoot geese from a sailboat, walk a dog in a national park with an extra-long leash, or write a check for less than a dollar. Such iniquitous conduct simply cannot be tolerated."
–Senator Orrin Hatch
"A hilarious tour through the literally countless number of things our federal government has criminalized. Come for the War on Margarine, stay to learn the legal way to boil garbage for a pig. The scariest part of the book however, is how many of these crimes were created by bureaucrats, not Congress."
—Senator Mike Lee
"Falconry is my passion, before I read this book I thought nothing of lending my falcon to a friend so it could be in their movie, now I know how grievously I've transgressed and will reflect on that for the next 10-15."
—Will Menaker, New York Times bestselling coauthor of Chapo Guide to Revolution
About the Author
Product details
- Publisher : Atria Books (June 4, 2019)
- Language : English
- Hardcover : 320 pages
- ISBN-10 : 1982112514
- ISBN-13 : 978-1982112516
- Item Weight : 1.1 pounds
- Dimensions : 5.5 x 0.9 x 8.38 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #320,554 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #184 in Political Humor (Books)
- #688 in Trivia (Books)
- #3,273 in Fiction Satire
- Customer Reviews:
About the author

By day, Mike Chase is a criminal defense lawyer. By night, he’s the legal humorist behind the @CrimeADay Twitter feed, where he offers a daily dose of his extensive research into the curious, intriguing, and often amusing history of America’s expansive criminal laws. Mike’s work has made him the go-to commentator on the countless weird and esoteric federal criminal laws buried deep in the books.
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book very funny, making them laugh out loud in many spots. Moreover, they appreciate its instructive content, with one customer describing it as a great compendium of fascinating tidbits. The illustrations receive positive feedback for being comical, and customers praise the writing quality, with one noting they can read it cover to cover.
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Customers find the book humorous, with several mentioning it made them laugh out loud, and one noting it's particularly entertaining for lawyers.
"...The writing is incisive and hilarious, and the many illustrations are even better...." Read more
"What an interesting book. It is a very funny one -- laugh-out-loud in many spots, as much for the illustrations as for the text -- and yet is so..." Read more
".../crazy federal law narrated by a practicing attorney with a wicked sharp sense of humor...." Read more
"Very funny, well written and clever." Read more
Customers find the book instructive, with one describing it as a great compendium of fascinating tidbits, while another notes how it simultaneously makes readers love and hate the law.
"...what elevates the overall content again and again is its thoughtful approach to the topic at large, our federal judicial system and those who shape..." Read more
"...It's entertaining, instructive, and hilarious." Read more
"...laid out and categorized so that this small volume encompasses a broad reach of crime...." Read more
"This book is sooo dang funny and interesting. We read aloud while sitting around the campfire...." Read more
Customers appreciate the illustrations in the book, finding them comical.
"...The writing is incisive and hilarious, and the many illustrations are even better...." Read more
"The book delivers exactly what is promised - an in-depth look at a wide variety of funny/crazy federal law narrated by a practicing attorney with a..." Read more
"...With many, many illustrations of exactly how to create a situation where the law applies, the book caused a stomach ache from laughing so hard...." Read more
"...my enjoyment it was its so far a pretty good read and the illustrations are pretty funny...." Read more
Customers praise the writing quality of the book, finding it well-crafted and easy to read, with one customer noting they can read it cover to cover.
"...You can read it cover to cover or, like the Holy Scriptures, just open to a random page and be inspired...." Read more
"Very funny, well written and clever." Read more
"Very well written, and makes a perfect gift! Stock up for the holidays! Good for lawyers, non-lawyers, people that love facts!" Read more
"Great book. Hilariously written. Engaging." Read more
Reviews with images

As hilarious as it is troubling, and it is very troubling
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on June 6, 2019@CrimeADay on twitter is an entertaining project that was intended to describe at least one absurd federal crime each day. There were not enough days in the year, probably in our lifetimes.
Now Mike Chase provides us this book which is not a summary of that project, but a Law Book like manual on the many absurd ways one can run afoul of federal criminal statutes. The writing is incisive and hilarious, and the many illustrations are even better. You can read it cover to cover or, like the Holy Scriptures, just open to a random page and be inspired.
After laughing to the point of tears, your tears will run from the well of despair as you discover the parlous state of our criminal laws and the excess of government regulation. And if you think that is an exaggeration, just read about the Laws on Fruit Cocktail content, pp. 118-19, fig. 4-17.
This would be just a book of humor if it were not for the fact that thousands of people get snared by these ridiculous traps.
Mike Chase deserves a Medal of Honor for so skillfully displaying the absurd state of government and especially the criminal laws in these days. But that might only encourage the Government.
This book is worth every penny you spend, and probably more. Everyone should read this, especially you legislators who think you have just the law to fix what you do not like.
5.0 out of 5 stars@CrimeADay on twitter is an entertaining project that was intended to describe at least one absurd federal crime each day. There were not enough days in the year, probably in our lifetimes.As hilarious as it is troubling, and it is very troubling
Reviewed in the United States on June 6, 2019
Now Mike Chase provides us this book which is not a summary of that project, but a Law Book like manual on the many absurd ways one can run afoul of federal criminal statutes. The writing is incisive and hilarious, and the many illustrations are even better. You can read it cover to cover or, like the Holy Scriptures, just open to a random page and be inspired.
After laughing to the point of tears, your tears will run from the well of despair as you discover the parlous state of our criminal laws and the excess of government regulation. And if you think that is an exaggeration, just read about the Laws on Fruit Cocktail content, pp. 118-19, fig. 4-17.
This would be just a book of humor if it were not for the fact that thousands of people get snared by these ridiculous traps.
Mike Chase deserves a Medal of Honor for so skillfully displaying the absurd state of government and especially the criminal laws in these days. But that might only encourage the Government.
This book is worth every penny you spend, and probably more. Everyone should read this, especially you legislators who think you have just the law to fix what you do not like.
Images in this review
- Reviewed in the United States on June 6, 2019What an interesting book. It is a very funny one -- laugh-out-loud in many spots, as much for the illustrations as for the text -- and yet is so uniquely thought-provoking as well. There is a dry wit at work, clearly, and what elevates the overall content again and again is its thoughtful approach to the topic at large, our federal judicial system and those who shape it (or may suffer from it). Chase doesn't descend into outright silliness or mean-spiritedness at all, which is quite unique in a book like this. Another thing that strikes me is that often enough with books like this (political or historical humor, with pictures) is that once they've been read or just enjoyed through a few skims is that they are inevitably tossed aside. However, "How to Become a Federal Criminal" is clearly a keeper and it is enjoyed most thoroughly when read with full attention. Its structure and links between topics are quite adept and take provocative turns. And, yes, it's genuinely hilarious again and again. To me, this book is a no-brainer to give to anyone interested in our judicial and political systems and seeking out fresh and sharp observations related to these arenas.
- Reviewed in the United States on May 15, 2020The book delivers exactly what is promised - an in-depth look at a wide variety of funny/crazy federal law narrated by a practicing attorney with a wicked sharp sense of humor.
But more than that, the author delves from time to time into the background of how laws are organized, how they interact with one another to sometimes create surprising results, how laws are interpreted in court, and how laws are made. The reader comes away with an appreciation of how the entire business of laws and lawmaking works and how a law intended to address one problem (e.g. an aspect of the shanghaing of sailors in the 1800's) ends up looking quite ridiculous when it remains on the books even after the original problem is no longer an issue.
Highly recommended.
- Reviewed in the United States on April 26, 2024Very funny, well written and clever.
- Reviewed in the United States on November 12, 2019This is not the typical "weird or obsolete law" listing. Mike has done a lot of research to combine the laws with some of the resulting regulations that enforce them to produce examples of how weird it can get.With many, many illustrations of exactly how to create a situation where the law applies, the book caused a stomach ache from laughing so hard.
For example, importing a pregnant polar is prohibited by regulation, and knowingly doing so is illegal. So, in order to become a federal criminal in this way requires a rather dangerous interaction with the polar bear . The book provides an illustration and a warning on this (pp 60-61).
While Mike is also the voice of the @CrimeADay Twitter account, the book is not just a compilation of those tweets. It's entertaining, instructive, and hilarious.
- Reviewed in the United States on June 30, 2023I bought this to be a troll Christmas gift for my son later this year. He is oppositional to law-and-order when it negatively affects him. However, he is the first to call the authorities if he thinks he has been wronged. And he has an unrealistic view of how much effort the authorities should apply to his petty complaints. I have read part of the book and it is so going to get him.
- Reviewed in the United States on June 25, 2019Mr. Chase has spent years posting about ridiculous federal crimes and now he has collected some of the best and placed them in a single source for easy reference. Often times funny, this book will go exceptionally well on your coffee table or behind your lawyer's desk. It will certainly spark conversation but in most (e.g.. libertarians) it will drive suffering and despair. The true extent of the nation's long slide into a bureaucratic abyss is delightfully laid out and categorized so that this small volume encompasses a broad reach of crime. From bee semen to falcons, it has everything (yet is less than 1/10th of 1% of all the possible federal crimes). You will not regret purchasing this book but you may regret reading it.
- Reviewed in the United States on July 12, 2022You’re probably a criminal and don’t even know it. After reading this book, you can find many hilarious ways to become a federal criminal. This book is a surprisingly good icebreaker and a wonderful way to connect his friends, family and others. The lawyer in your life will love it and the rest of the family will too.