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David D. Edgington
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The Abusive Wife: Ministering to the Contentious Woman Paperback – November 20, 2015

4.6 out of 5 stars 103 ratings
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The wife is the “unexpected” abuser/reviler in a marriage. Biblically, the term “revile” speaks of the verbal aspect of mistreatment of others. It is a “non-contact” weapon in the arsenal of the bitter, controlling person. Both in society and in the Church, it is assumed that the husband is the one who reviles the wife, yet there is a growing trend where the opposite is the case. And this trend will continue to get worse as role confusion in marriage and relationships escalates in the modern world. Men in marriages where they are reviled feel alone, judged, and hopeless. Most men in this kind of marriage suffer silently since to openly admit this problem calls into question one’s masculinity. Being reviled is so painful and debilitating that most men seriously contemplate suicide. It is no wonder then, that the sin of “reviling” requires church discipline (1 Cor. 5:11; 6:10), yet how many churches practice this? This book is a must-read both for the husband living in a reviling marriage, but also for the Pastor who wishes to minister to his people according to the Scriptures. Drawing on his vast experience as a full-time Biblical Counselor, Dr. Edgington examines this pressing issue from both his experience in counseling husbands and wives, and also from the practical application of the Word of God. David D. Edgington, PhD is the founder and Executive Director of “Compassionate Counselors,” which is a Biblical Counseling ministry in Phoenix, Arizona. He is also an ordained Pastor since 1992 and is currently the Preaching Pastor at Christ’s Community Church in El Mirage, Arizona. For more information, please visit www.CompassionateCounselors.com
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  1. Print length
    178 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publication date
    November 20, 2015
  4. Dimensions
    6 x 0.41 x 9 inches
  5. ISBN-10
    151873622X
  6. ISBN-13
    978-1518736223
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Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (November 20, 2015)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 178 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 151873622X
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1518736223
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 8.8 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.41 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 out of 5 stars 103 ratings

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David D. Edgington

David D. Edgington

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Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
103 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers appreciate the book's strong Biblical perspective, with one review noting how it methodically presents a Christian response to abusive relationships. Moreover, the book receives positive feedback for its readability, with one customer highlighting it as the best read of 2023. Additionally, customers praise the writing quality, with one review mentioning how well it explains situations, while another notes its unique approach to the topic.

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16 customers mention "Biblical perspective"16 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's strong Biblical World View, with one customer noting how it methodically puts together a Christian response.

"...Note the qualifications of the author, both an active pastor and Biblical counselor, for years; as well as a PhD in theology...." Read more

"...And this book will help every pastor biblically diagnose sin in a wife's, sister's, mother's, daughter's, or friend's heart...." Read more

"...Also, I like it that he is a Biblical counselor and talks about everything from a Biblical perspective and not a modern psychiatric perspective." Read more

"...author shows thoughtfulness about the topic and methodically puts together a Christian response to the problem, sourcing the Bible at every step...." Read more

8 customers mention "Readability"8 positive0 negative

Customers find the book incredible, with one describing it as the best read in 2023 and another noting it's a must-read for counselors.

"...Excellent read!" Read more

"...This book exposes this terrible phenomenom. Really a great, heartfelt analysis and recommendaton for the abused husband." Read more

"...This is a must read for all counselors. This book is great! God bless!" Read more

"This book is incredible! For me, it was one of those eye opening, "ah hah" books...." Read more

6 customers mention "Writing quality"6 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the writing quality of the book, finding it well-written and easy to read, with one customer noting it explains situations clearly.

"...This book is written well and is to help churches understand the situation when it is the woman that is the abuser...." Read more

"...The author does a reasonably good job of presenting the issues from a biblical point of view...." Read more

"...An issue neglected by many pastors and counselors. Easy to read. A must read for any mental health professionals." Read more

"...had problems in this area for many years and this seems to explain my situation well and give me hope...." Read more

3 customers mention "Uniqueness"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the book unique.

"...That is the reason this book is so unique, it helps you think this way." Read more

"This book is both unique and urgently needed. Although not every reviling woman is a feminist, most if not all of them are influenced by it...." Read more

"...I praise God for this rare book...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Dave
    5.0 out of 5 stars Courageous author presenting this taboo topic in a good Biblical perspective.
    Reviewed in the United States on May 24, 2023
    Verified Purchase
    I agree with reviewer Kendra that every pastor, counselor, and church leader should read this book. They need it in order to have a balanced, fair, and just approach to marriage conflict. It is needed most when the main root of the problems lie in the woman being contentious and striving to dominate & control instead of find resolution and love.
    Readers should begin with chapter 9 as an introduction, it is about how churches will often make matters worse instead of helping the marriage. If you are a church leader with a calling to minister to troubled marriages; then this book is essential to opening your eyes to what a church should and should not do in these difficult situations.
    I disagree with reviewer Wilbur who said “doing something about it: which primarily should be going to their pastors and elders and getting their help in stopping the abuse.” This is the very thing described in chapter 9, how the church typically does NOT help in stopping the abuse while the husband is pleading for help and gets ignored or falsely blamed. I wonder if Wilbur read chapter 9 ?
    That was my experience as an elder in a conservative church, my wife was intentionally sabotaging our marriage as a tactic to force her unreasonable demands. Instead of getting help from my life long friends and the pastor and the counselors, I was even falsely blamed for my wife’s violent attacks of me and even blamed for her adultery!
    Instead of expecting her to take responsibility for her choices, they falsely blamed me for her behavior! This book explains what it is like for a man to try to love his wife, save their marriage; and yet get thrown under the bus by the church because it is easier for them to destroy the husband than it is to hold the contentious wife accountable.
    Note the qualifications of the author, both an active pastor and Biblical counselor, for years; as well as a PhD in theology. This book is written well and is to help churches understand the situation when it is the woman that is the abuser. When it is the man that is the abuser, the churches quickly get involved to help in well known ways.
    But when it is the woman that is the abuser; what do they typically do to help? They should start by reading this book and asking the tough question; are your comments and counsel equitable for both genders and do you hold the woman to the same standard to which you would hold a man? If a man is yelling and screaming daily, physically violent, calling his wife pejorative names and humiliating her; would you blame the wife for his behavior? Blame the victim?
    So then when it is a woman yelling and screaming daily, physically violent, calling her husband pejorative names and humiliating him; do you blame the husband? Try reading this book and look in the mirror of equitable, fair, treatment of everyone; and a definition of abuse that is the same for both the woman or the man. That is the reason this book is so unique, it helps you think this way.
    10 people found this helpful
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  • anspaugh
    5.0 out of 5 stars Absolute Necessity in Your Pastor's Library
    Reviewed in the United States on January 15, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    Women sin. And it's unloving to believe otherwise. You can't heal someone if you don't first diagnose their problem. And this book will help every pastor biblically diagnose sin in a wife's, sister's, mother's, daughter's, or friend's heart. The goal is redemption and the path is repentance.

    Don't let your pastor (or anyone else) be a coward and tiptoe around sin issues with women. We have enough books and sermons about a man's sin. That's good. Now we need more books like this. May the Spirit bless Edgington's ministry and help more marriages be saved by exposing the sin that most pastors are afraid to bring to light.
    3 people found this helpful
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  • Jubilee Financial
    5.0 out of 5 stars Great book if you are in this place.
    Reviewed in the United States on February 15, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    I'm not the only one. Very encouraging in a sick kind of way.

    Also, I like it that he is a Biblical counselor and talks about everything from a Biblical perspective and not a modern psychiatric perspective.
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Kevin Hall
    5.0 out of 5 stars A neglected subject
    Reviewed in the United States on March 20, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    The author handles a subject that many leaders, pastors and counselors refuse to address. It is not for the courage they claim to have it is actually out of fear to address it because of the blow up it may cause. Read the book and seek to be just in the way you deal with marriage counseling.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Steve Williamson
    5.0 out of 5 stars Challenging and Supportive
    Reviewed in the United States on May 26, 2023
    Verified Purchase
    This book directly confronts unique styles of selfish pride and abuse that many wives inflict on their husbands. It is more a testimonial from a Counselor explaining trends he is seeing compared to something like a research paper. The author shows thoughtfulness about the topic and methodically puts together a Christian response to the problem, sourcing the Bible at every step. This book will be very encouraging for any man who is verbally or emotionally abused by his wife.
    The author’s main point, that unrighteous anger directed at anyone undeserving is a sin and must be addressed, isn’t controversial at its’ core. This is a different approach than Non-Christian Counselors, who would more likely stress that anger is a natural, healthy, and necessary emotion. But then I think about authors like Karla McLaren in ‘The Art of Empathy’ who would ultimately agree with Edgington that anger arisen from personal boundaries being crossed at some point requires self-reflection on if those boundaries are reasonable and well-defined.
    I suspect this book would be very convicting for many on an individual level, but I think could be strengthened with more sociological data to support the author’s musings on larger culture. But that’s clearly outside of the book’s purpose. Dr. Edgington’s stories of the couples he has counseled where the woman just so happened to be the main source of dysfunction, are practical experiences that anyone in his field can learn from.
    3 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Bernie
    5.0 out of 5 stars Why does your wife behave the way she does and how to lead as her husband
    Reviewed in Canada on January 4, 2025
    Verified Purchase
    Loved the whole book and am sharing with all my male family and friends
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  • Jo Richy
    5.0 out of 5 stars Very helpful book
    Reviewed in Australia on July 7, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    This book is an excellent resource for counsellors and clergy.
    Highly recommend.
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  • Jae-Seong Lee
    5.0 out of 5 stars A much needed book in today's world
    Reviewed in Canada on May 26, 2024
    Verified Purchase
    Dr. Edgingtons book is one that I truly found much needed in this time and age. Not only for men but for women as well who hopefully can see how they are contributing to the destruction of a marriage. Dr. Edgingtons book is very accurate in what really goes on in the home and precisely explains right from the fall how it came to be. The extent of this is very serious in the stories that are included in the book. I really commend David for addressing something that is so feared to be addressed especially in this culture and he does it with such honesty and accuracy. And the extent (in numbers) of this kind of abuse by the wife is so common yet no one talks about it. I highly recommend this book.
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