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embody: Learning to Love Your Unique Body (and quiet that critical voice!) Paperback – June 10, 2014
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Embody guides readers step by step through five core competencies:- Reclaim Health- Practice Intuitive Self-Care- Cultivate Self-Love- Declare Your Own Authentic Beauty- Build Community
Anyone can practice these fundamental skills on a daily basis to honor their innate wisdom and take good care of their whole selves. Research on the Be Body Positive Model indicates that embodying The 5 Competencies significantly improves people's ability to regulate eating, decreases depression and anxiety, and increases self-compassion.
Rather than receiving a prescriptive set of rules to follow, readers are guided through patient, mindful inquiry to find what works uniquely in their own lives to bring about--and sustain--positive self-care changes and a joyful relationship with their bodies.
- Print length288 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherGurze Books
- Publication dateJune 10, 2014
- Dimensions5 x 0.5 x 8 inches
- ISBN-100936077808
- ISBN-13978-0936077802
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now.
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Editorial Reviews
Review
Ruth Gendler, Author of Notes On the Need for Beauty
This is a gorgeous book filled with the wondering, awe-filled voices of people who have found they can lovingly care for themselves in their diverse bodies and circumstances. Our world desperately needs to see this is possibleand Connie serves it up in a feast of triumph and celebration.”
Deb Burgard, PHD, FAED, Co-Founder of The Health At Every Size® Model
Connie makes the quest for self love and acceptance deeply imaginable in a way that lifts the spirit and carries you to a place of hope and endless possibility.”
Linda Arbus,LCSW, Faculty of the Women’s Therapy Centre Institute, New York
Embody, touches the mind and heart as it demonstrates how to gain connection to our inner wisdom. Impressively insightful, an excellent resource!
Lela Zaphiropoulos, LCSW, ACSW, Co-Author of Eating Problems
Embody, is a powerful addition to the Health at Every Size® community. It brings to life what we know from scientific evidence: people of all sizes can live active and healthy livesand love themselves, too!”
Linda Bacon, PHD, Author of Health At Every Size
Embody, belongs in every school, home, and place where the lives of our boys and girls matter!”
Carol Bloom, LCSW, Co-Founder of the Women’s Therapy Centre Institute, New York
With Embody,, people of all ages can learn that self-love is the best motivation there is to care for their uniquely beautiful bodies. I am excited to share this wonderful resource with my clients.”
Carmen Cool, MA, LPC, Psychotherapist, Boulder, Co
Embody, sparks a flame of self-love in your heart that glows brighter when you share it with others. It makes you want to stand up and say, I am beauty!’”
Jessica Diaz, MSW, Founder of Love Guerrillas
A beautiful, wise, practical book that will empower a next generation to shed our culture of toxic ideas of perfectionism and bodily dissatisfaction. This book, and the body positive movement, are part of a compassionate revolution leading young people to greater dignity and empowerment.”
Dacher Keltner, PHD, Founding Director, Greater Good Science Center, UC Berkeley
About the Author
Connie is a leader of the movement to prevent eating problems and improve the self-image of youth and adults through her videos, writing, workshops, and peer-led programs for students in middle school through college. Her video Discover Your Healthy Weight was a grand festival award winner in the 2009 Berkeley Video & Film Festival. She was a 2008 semi-finalist for a Volvo for Life award honoring "real-life heroes."
A California native, Connie currently resides in the San Francisco Bay Area with her partner, Jim. Their daughter, Carmen, is her inspiration and her joy.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
THE BE BODY POSITIVE MODEL
You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the beginning model obsolete.”
Buckminster Fuller
"I am very impressed with your model, and its potential to change people's lives, including my own. I think you are really onto somethinga radical paradigm shift, but at the same time something so simple and elegant and 'intuitive.' Love yourself and your bodyit will not only allow you a chance to take care of yourself and find genuine love and happiness, it will give you a chance to see and develop it in others. Peace, love, and happinesswhat else do you need?"
Brad Buchman, MD, college health physician
At its core, the Be Body Positive Model teaches you to become the expertthe authorityof your own body by first recognizing, and then trusting, its innate wisdom. Sue Monk Kidd offers my favorite definition of the word authority from the Greek language in her book The Dance of the Dissident Daughter: to stand forth with power and dignity.” Elizabeth and I believe this: we all have the right to live with dignity; we possess the power to make good decisions about our unique bodies when we learn to listen closely to the information they provide in every moment. We understand that choosing this path is much easier with support, which is why we have dedicated our lives to helping people reconnect with their inborn ability to identifyand pursuewhat they need in order to thrive.
The Be Body Positive Model does not offer a step-by-step plan to follow from Point A (body dissatisfaction, dieting, obsession with weight and image) to Point B (self-love, intuitive self-care, freedom from obsession). The work does not resemble typical diet, health, fitness, or other self-improvement programs that instruct clients to follow certain steps to the letter in order to arrive at a promised definition of success; where if they fail it’s considered their fault, not the failing of rules that are generally impossible to stick to over the long term, even if they are offered with the best of intentions.
Elizabeth and I have created a framework for true success because we define it not as a static end goal of perfection, but as a way of living that gives you permission to love, care for, and take pleasure in your body throughout your lifespan. No doubt struggles will occur, especially during times of transition or imbalance. Using the Be Body Positive competencies, however, allows you to find what you need to live with as much self-love and balanced self-care as possible. What you discover will be unique to you and your particular life circumstances. Each experience of discomfort will teach you those things you are required to learn to further your growth. One person can recover from body hatred by spending time working with plants. Someone else will need therapy. Another may need to change careers. Someone may have an easier time transitioning their gender because they are grounded in a deeper, more fundamental self-love. Making changeseven big onescan be less complex when you incorporate the aspects of our philosophy that speak to you into your daily life.
Our model is complete; the five core competencies address all of the obstacles to healing that Elizabeth and I unearthed during decades of preventing and treating eating and body image problems. Many other programs offer a piece of what is useful, but aren’t comprehensive enough to help someone deal with the pitfalls that can derail healing. For example, one program might encourage the rejection of media messages that lead to poor self-image, but doesn’t provide support to resist the mean comments and aggression directed at many people’s bodies from family, friends, and cruel strangers. Another might promote self-compassion, but doesn’t speak to the debilitating struggles associated with the pursuit of ideal” beauty or health that prevent people from truly loving themselves. Focusing on one (or even a few) of the issues related to improving physical and emotional health can be insufficient in supporting positive, lasting changes in a person’s life.
Elizabeth uses our philosophy and specific activities in her private therapy practice. In so doing, she has tested our model with the most difficult population of allpeople suffering with diagnosed eating disorders. She has discovered the biggest hurdles people face when working to make peace with their bodies, eating, and exercise. We have fine-tuned and improved the model by creating a solution to each one of these challenges. Elizabeth’s clients, even those who start working with her after struggling with eating disorders and severe self-loathing for years, get better quickly when they are introduced to the Be Body Positive Model. We offer a path to freedom wherever a person may currently be along the spectrum that ranges from slight dissatisfaction with one’s body (or garden variety body hatred” as one of our youth leaders named it), to active weight loss behaviors, to eating and exercise problems that require clinical help for recovery. The work not only enhances people’s physical self-care, but has also been shown to improve self-esteem as well as reduce anxiety and depression.
I see the five competencies as creating the boundaries of a safe container in which we can explore the inevitable conflicts that arise because we are human beings. They provide a structure free from judgment and blame that allows each of usin our own individual way and timeto celebrate our physical bodies and (re)discover the beauty and self-love that are our birthright.
Kelle J
When I first came to The Body Positive, my emotional self was buried beneath hardened layers of suffocating shame. When I wasn’t emotionally numb, I was overwhelmed by shame and grief. I had been in and out of therapy, recovery programs, and support groups looking for a way out of my self-loathing. Something in me wanted freedom, but each time I began to thaw, the emotional pain became too much to bear, and I made a run for the door. It felt impossible to follow the positive, constructive steps that the therapist or program prescribed, reconfirming my deeply held belief that I was so damaged that there was no possibility of redemption.
The Be Body Positive Model and community were different. When I first heard Connie and Elizabeth talk about self-love, I rejected the notion for myself out-of-hand; I had embodied my shame for so long that I hardly had a self at all, let alone one that I could love. I had a core belief that I did not belong in the world, which made me feel unique in my conviction that I was inherently flawed, damaged, and defective: self-love is possible for you, but not for me.
However, what I also heard at The Body Positive was that there was no possibility of failure here; that the Be Body Positive Model was not just another set of rules I would surely fail to follow. Instead, I was invited to engage in a process of trial and error where the errors” were met with gentleness and represented learning opportunitiesthey were not evidence of my weak and defective nature. Most importantly, I didn’t have to get self-love right to belong in this community. What a gift this is! I am still chipping away at the geological layers of shame and self-loathing that sometimes weigh me down, but have been held with love in The Body Positive community long enough to witness the journey to self-love in others, and think to myself, That could be me one day.”
Using the Be Body Positive Model in Your Own Life
To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.”
Henri Bergson, French philosopher (1859-1941)
The Be Body Positive Model shifts the focus from using harmful, ineffective weight-loss efforts to a practice of improving and maintaining self-care behaviors that are motivated by positive rather than punishing forces. As you practice the competencies, you cultivate the art of forgiveness for making mistakes” with food, exercise, and other life choices, and allow yourself to learn and grow from your daily experiences. Over time you relax into the trial and error process of learning to eat and moveand liveintuitively. As your definition of beauty expands, you have the extraordinary opportunity to see beauty everywherestarting with yourself. You may find that friendships develop with individuals who choose to appreciate their own bodies, and enter into (or stay in) relationships with people who love and respect your body, just as it is in the moment. When the inevitable burdens that come with being human start to weigh you down, you have your Body Positive community for support, or employ humor and self-love to lighten the load when you are alone.
It takes practice and conscious awareness to experience life through a Body Positive lens. After awhile, however, you’ll realize you’ve fully embodied the competencies, and it feels natural to love yourself and care for your body from a place of trust. You will become the ultimate authority of your body and your life. As you develop a highly attuned relationship with your body, you will begin to move towards experiences and people in all areas that feel healthy on an intrinsic level. As one person said about her work with The Body Positive, It’s a process to take this all in, but once you do, it just becomes part of your everyday life. It’s addictive!” The addiction she speaks of is the commitment to self-love, the ability to see great beauty in oneself as well as in others, and the pursuit of positive, joyful self-care. What could be better?
There are numerous reasons why you chose to pick up this book. It is possible your struggle is that you don’t feel comfortable with your weight; you are fighting the inevitable process of aging, listening to the messages telling you older people are not beautiful; your height and/or shape cause you to feel you’re not attractive; you like certain body parts but others get negative attention from your inner critic. You may be completely fine with your body but can’t find love for your human self. Or, you might just be tired of being surrounded by people who are critical of themselves and others, and you’re searching for ways to create a community of people who relate in an unusual wayby supporting one another in cultivating self-love and pursuing passions other than a perfect physical image. It is for all of these reasons that Elizabeth and I created the Be Body Positive Model, an intuitive approach to health and wellbeing that:
Defines physical health with real measurements of health rather than arbitrary numbers
Restores trust in our own bodies and in our ability to care for them well
Gives us permission to deeply and truly love our human selves
Expands our definition of beauty to include ourselves and all people
Offers a new way to relate to one another, one that does not include self-deprecating comments about our own bodies or comparison with, and judgment of, other people’s bodies
The competencies are offered in a particular order because Elizabeth and I see them as building upon one another. As you integrate them into your daily life, however, you will see that each is part of a whole process and the order becomes irrelevant. You become able to address whatever particular issue arises in the moment with the skills you’ve gained.
Please remember, the Be Body Positive Model does not offer quick fix that will lead you to a prescribed end goal. As with all things worth their weight,” changing your relationship with your body can be messy and painful at times. It takes practice. But Elizabeth and I believe this journey is worth every ounce of energy you invest, because it will lead you to a place where you are free to live without restriction; where your fears and internal critics lessen in intensity because your voice of kindness and compassion grows in strength each day. It becomes easier to fully express your thoughts and feelings because your practice of self-love protects you from taking in judgmentor releasing it quickly when it does get under your skin. Beauty surrounds you in abundance and life becomes a richer, more meaningful experience.
Embodying the Be Body Positive Model’s core competencies is simple and it’s not. It’s choosing love as often as we can. It’s finding humor when we look at the imagery society offers up as beauty. It’s listening closely to our bodies and doing our best to follow their wisdom. It’s forgiving ourselves when we make mistakes.’ Ultimately, it’s honoring our bodies in all their varied forms as precious and worthy of love and respect.”
Lisa E, Body Positive workshop participant
Product details
- Publisher : Gurze Books; 1st edition (June 10, 2014)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 288 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0936077808
- ISBN-13 : 978-0936077802
- Item Weight : 12 ounces
- Dimensions : 5 x 0.5 x 8 inches
- Best Sellers Rank: #482,668 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #466 in Self-Help for Eating Disorders & Body Image Issues (Books)
- #38,416 in Reference (Books)
- Customer Reviews:
About the author
Connie Sobczak is a mentor, writer, inspirational speaker, and workshop facilitator. In 1996, she and Elizabeth Scott, LCSW, CEDS-S, founded The Body Positive, a nonprofit organization that teaches people to listen to their bodies, learn from their wisdom, and thrive. As a result, tens of thousands of people have been given practical tools to develop balanced, joyful self-care and a relationship with their bodies that is guided by love, forgiveness, and humor. Connie's passion is watching the light that emerges when people recognize and embrace their magnificent, authentic selves.
Customer reviews
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Learn more how customers reviews work on AmazonCustomers say
Customers find the book easy to read and interesting. They appreciate the theoretical knowledge and wisdom provided in it. While some readers mention it's better for practical steps, overall they consider it an important work that provides good information.
AI-generated from the text of customer reviews
Customers find the book easy to read and engaging. They find the content interesting, well-written, and reassuring. The book weaves together heartfelt stories and thoughtful ideas.
"I really enjoyed this book. It was eye opening & full of compassion...." Read more
"This is a beautiful book, woven with heart-wrenching stories and inspiring quotes that teach readers how to love their unique bodies..." Read more
"This is an interesting book. I am trying to change my relationship with food and my body. This is just one of many tools I am using." Read more
"Overall, this is a good book. The Five Competencies of the Be Body Positive Model should definitely be more widely known and practiced...." Read more
Customers find the book provides good information and wisdom. They find it helpful, inspiring, and intelligent. The book makes concepts understandable for all readers.
"...I truly appreciated how they broke the competencies down & made it understandable for all...." Read more
"...I loved this book. In my experience, the ability to appreciate your body is often a rate-limiting step to rejecting the diet mentality and..." Read more
"...So this book is better for theoretical knowledge. Look elsewhere for practical steps...." Read more
"...It truly helped me with the way I look at and treat my body, as well as how I look at others...." Read more
Top reviews from the United States
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- Reviewed in the United States on October 20, 2016I wish I had found this book earlier.
I have struggled with my body image for as long as I can remember. As I sit here typing this now, I am still struggling. I am exhausted from this. It is crippling at times. And I feel like it's so stupid because the world is so full of problems and so many people have it so much worse. But this is my reality - I am an adult woman who is very well accomplished in life. I am someone that other people look up to. And I can't get out of my own head with this whole body image thing.
I'm happy to have found this book. I am someone who has dieted and exercised for years. I have lost 40 pounds and gained it back. I have run half marathons and had to have surgery on both feet and actually was PROUD of myself that I HURT my own body so badly by running even when I felt physical pain. Because, after all, isn't that what we are supposed to do? Suffer to be skinny? The problem is, I'm still not skinny. The moment I stop treating myself as though I'm a terrible person who deserves punishment, I gain my weight back.
I found this book in a moment of sheer frustration and sadness. I started to read it. And for the past month, I have not been to the gym. I'm not saying you should never work out again if you beginning learning the body positive way of life. I'm saying that FOR ME, I had to take a break. I was always tormenting myself with the daily mantra of "Gotta get to the gym, gotta get to the gym, gotta get to the gym" nonstop. Like a broken record in my head. I'm exhausted from it.
I've been reading this book slowly. I read and when something really strikes me, I dog-ear the page (there are a lot of dog-eared pages in this book for me) and I take a break. Sometimes I don't pick it back up for a day, maybe two. I am really trying to understand what the words are telling me. I'm trying to incorporate it into my daily life so that I can stop this cycle of abusing and punishing myself when I dare to eat "too many" slices of pizza or have the audacity to enjoy a cookie.
I'm a work in progress, and I have a long way to go. But this book, without a doubt, is helping me. I am so thankful to have found it. I highly recommend it to anyone who is struggling with these voices inside their head telling them that they are not good enough.
- Reviewed in the United States on July 6, 2019I really enjoyed this book. It was eye opening & full of compassion. As someone who struggles with the concept of Self-Love, I truly appreciated how they broke the competencies down & made it understandable for all. I really appreciated the compassion they offered as this is a new concept for many. I'm looking forward to learning more about being a more active voice in The Body Positive community now after reading this book.
- Reviewed in the United States on July 3, 2016This is a beautiful book, woven with heart-wrenching stories and inspiring quotes that teach readers how to love their unique bodies (and quiet that critical inner voice). The author is a co-founder of wonderful The Body Positive organization. I loved this book. In my experience, the ability to appreciate your body is often a rate-limiting step to rejecting the diet mentality and committing to a Health at Every Size® approach. I highly recommend this book to anyone with a body!
- Reviewed in the United States on November 16, 2015This is an interesting book. I am trying to change my relationship with food and my body. This is just one of many tools I am using.
- Reviewed in the United States on August 14, 2022We are bombarded every day by messages telling us we are not enough unless we buy what ever the advertisement is selling. This book reminds us that, as Jane Austen famously said, "We have all a better guide in ourselves, if we would attend to it, than any other person can be."
- Reviewed in the United States on November 3, 2017Overall, this is a good book. The Five Competencies of the Be Body Positive Model should definitely be more widely known and practiced. But while there are activities listed at the end of each chapter, the chapters themselves are short on specific "how-tos." The author gives some vague examples of her own practices in the areas of quieting negative inner voices or relying on inner strength, and then she suggests that the readers do the same. Without specific, detailed instructions, though, I'm left thinking, "Yeah, I'd love to. But how?" Even the instructions at the ends of the chapters can be vague, along the lines of, "Do this practice however it feels best." Okay, but if I don't have a plan to try first, how can I tell how it feels, or what needs to change? It's very however-you-like-it, but if I already knew how I liked things and what felt best in terms of accepting my body as-is, I probably wouldn't be reading books like this one in the first place. So this book is better for theoretical knowledge. Look elsewhere for practical steps. Body Kindness by Rebecca Stritchfield has lots of detailed, specific steps to take, things to try, and prompts to journal. If you're more into art therapy, Dr. Deah's Calmanac has good, detailed instructions for projects exploring body acceptance.
- Reviewed in the United States on April 21, 2016In spring 2015 I was encouraged by a friend to read a book called “Embody” by Connie Sobczak. Little did I know how much my outlook on life and myself would change from reading what I now call my “Bible.” I learned about how five simple competencies can truly have a significant impact on how we view ourselves. I was so inspired from reading the book and decided to look into the Body Positive program and what it entailed. I attended an all day workshop in Berkeley in July 2015 and needless to say, I was personally transformed. I learned that acknowledging and embracing my critical voice was the change that was needed within me to trust my inner truth. I now know that everything I need to know is inside me. -Angela Girard
- Reviewed in the United States on June 23, 2017I had been looking for a book to help me recognize my personal feelings about my body, and I found it! This book is an easy read that will have you read onside ring all the negative things you have been listening to, and help you find a path of freedom, and trust in who you are and what you need, not what the world is telling you. I am looking forward to moving forward in my journey!
Top reviews from other countries
- Smitty1979Reviewed in Canada on May 30, 2019
5.0 out of 5 stars Great book
This book is wonderful and full of personal stories that each reader can relate to. It's an easy read and fascinating how the diet industry works to make money. The book is well laid out and easy to follow the competencies. I LOVE the activities suggested to reinforce the teachings of the book.
-
Client d'AmazonReviewed in France on October 25, 2018
5.0 out of 5 stars livre incontournable
livre incontournable, je recommande vivement pour apprendre à s'accepter et s'aimer.
- FaithReviewed in the United Kingdom on February 1, 2016
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is AMAZING!
It's easily the best book I have read about body image, diets, eating disorders, food and self-love!
I highly, highly recommend it if you are struggling with any of the above as it will totslly turn your thinking around.
It's beautifully written, with lots of wonderful guidance, intuitive practices, empowerment stories and advice on how to cultivated self-love in yourself and those around you and to embrace your authentic beauty!
I love it, love it, love it!
- ChrisReviewed in Canada on July 28, 2019
5.0 out of 5 stars No more diets
Eat intuitively. Exercise intuitively. Love yourself. Surround yourself by like minded people. Change your life
- CharlieReviewed in the United Kingdom on May 18, 2016
5.0 out of 5 stars Sensitive and Insightful
Very sensitive and helpful book if you're dealing with challenges around body image. Many great insights and practices that start to shift your mind-set and get you thinking about yourself and your body in a whole new way. This is definitely a book I will use with, and recommend to, clients.