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The Intimate Mystery: Creating Strength and Beauty in Your Marriage (Intimate Marriage) Paperback – Special Edition, January 30, 2009

4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 49 ratings

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What do you want out of your marriage?Do you simply want to get along and be happy? Or do you desire real intimacy--the kind of relationship that will challenge you to grow as an individual and satisfy you in a much deeper way than you have imagined?Contrary to what television and bridal magazines tell us, marriage is about much more than personal happiness. Marriage is about spiritual growth. God wants to use your marriage to shape your character and to carry out his purposes in the world through you as a couple.The book of Genesis provides a matrix for understanding the intimate mystery of marriage in light of three commands--leave (your family of origin), weave (a life together) and cleave (through sexual intimacy). In this book, Dan Allender and Tremper Longman III explore and unpack the rich implications of this pattern.While this paper edition can be read on its own, a couple, Bible study group or Sunday school class can enhance their understanding by making their way through the bonus six Bible study sessions included in this expanded edition. Video segments introducing each of the Bible study sessions are also available online for free video download, making this book a complete small group curriculum. The Intimate Mystery is part of the Intimate Marriage Curriculum Kit which includes everything needed to mentor individual married couples or to lead a group discussion and makes an especially helpful resource for newlyweds or young married couples.

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From the brand

Editorial Reviews

Review

"Allender and Tremper don't sugarcoat the problems and pain that can arise in marriage, but offer a beautiful and poetic picture of hope." -- Relevant Magazine, July/August 2014

From the Publisher

Author Interview

Dan Allender & Tremper Longman, authors of The Intimate Mystery

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ IVP; Enlarged/Expanded, Expanded edition (January 30, 2009)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 144 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0830837248
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0830837243
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 6.4 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.5 x 8.25 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.2 4.2 out of 5 stars 49 ratings

About the author

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Dan B. Allender
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Dr. Dan B. Allender, author, speaker and co-founder of The Allender Center, has pioneered a unique and innovative approach to trauma and abuse therapy for over 30 years. Central to Dr. Allender’s approach are the categories of Faith, Hope and Love and their converse betrayal, ambivalence, and powerlessness. Through engaging these categories and in learning to identify them in one’s personal story, healing and transformation can occur by bridging the story of the gospel and the stories of trauma and abuse that mark so many.

After receiving his Master of Divinity from Westminster Theological Seminary, Dan earned his Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Michigan State University. Dan previously served on faculty at the Biblical Counseling Department of Grace Theological Seminary (1983-1989) and Colorado Christian University (1989-1997). In 1997, Dan and a cadre of others founded The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology, in order to train therapists, pastors, artists, and leaders to more effectively serve in the context of the 21st century. Dan served as President of The Seattle School from 2002-2009.

In 2011, The Allender Center was founded by Dr. Dan Allender and Rebecca Allender, MA, alongside Cathy Loerzel, MA, with the support of The Seattle School of Theology & Psychology to cultivate healing and train leaders and mental health professionals to courageously engage others’ stories of harm. He travels and speaks extensively to present his unique perspective on sexual abuse recovery, love & forgiveness, worship, and other related topics.

Dr. Dan Allender is the author of The Wounded Heart, The Healing Path, To Be Told, and God Loves Sex, and he has co-authored several books with Dr. Tremper Longman, including Intimate Allies, The Cry of the Soul, Bold Love, Bold Purpose. Most recently, he co-authored Redeeming Heartache: How Past Suffering Reveals True Calling with Cathy Loerzel. Dan also co-hosts The Allender Center’s weekly podcast with Rachael Clinton Chen, which has had more than 2 million downloads.

Customer reviews

4.2 out of 5 stars
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Customers say

Customers find the book helpful for marriage. They find the advice insightful and useful, with great subject matter. The author is praised as decent but underwhelming.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

9 customers mention "Marriage"9 positive0 negative

Customers find this book helpful for marriage. They say it's a practical guide that helps build a strong relationship. The book is recommended by marriage counselors and provides concrete steps to strengthen relationships. Readers find it an easy-to-read guide that helps enrich marriages or prepare for marriage.

"...this book to anyone wanting to enrich their marriage, grow in knowledge before marriage or learn about marriage to assist others taking that..." Read more

"...author a little judgmental in some instances, but overall this is a good book with some excellent points even for a non-traditional reader of the..." Read more

"...This framework for a successful, God-honoring marriage is biblical and simple. It is also clear that these are some smart guys...." Read more

"Excellent book on marriage from a Biblical perspective...." Read more

8 customers mention "Advice level"8 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's advice helpful and insightful. They appreciate the practical and biblical context, but also mention that the truths are universal.

"...in some instances, but overall this is a good book with some excellent points even for a non-traditional reader of the bible...." Read more

"Dr. Allender does a great job of using his spiritual and psychological insights in helping us understand the nature of a Christian marriage and its..." Read more

"...Beyond vocabulary, the book presents some higher level concepts than other marriage books, which often settle for mere self-help approaches..." Read more

"...Comes from a biblical context, but the truths are universal. An excellent read for anyone considering marriage, not just for married couples." Read more

3 customers mention "Author quality"3 positive0 negative

Customers like the author's writing quality. They say it's decent but not overly impressive.

"An excellent review of what marriage truly is versus the "feel good," selfish view of marriage that society promotes marriage to be...." Read more

"good Book, Good Author" Read more

"Decent but underwhelming......" Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on April 11, 2010
    this book is a wonderful book to go through during marriage-when things are rough, or when they are good and you would like to grow more. it would be an awesome pre-marriage book for those looking to grow in knowledge of marriage before saying "i do!"

    our marriage counselor is going through it with my husband and i and it has been a wonderful approach when just going in to counseling to "talk" is too hard. it is nice having this book as a standing ground to start conversations vs. just jumping into the deep end when talking about life is extremely hard.

    i would recommend this book to anyone wanting to enrich their marriage, grow in knowledge before marriage or learn about marriage to assist others taking that walk!

    hope this review is helpful to anyone out there looking to find a solid book on marriage--you have come to the right book! and it is a very quick and easy read. go for it!
    3 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on May 20, 2013
    I liked the advice on how to leave, weave, and cleave in marriage. I do not take the bible literally and so found the author a little judgmental in some instances, but overall this is a good book with some excellent points even for a non-traditional reader of the bible. Recommended by my marriage counselor. The author mentions his wife not liking to read what he writes. I would love to read her response/additions to this book!
    : )
  • Reviewed in the United States on August 14, 2011
    Dr. Allender does a great job of using his spiritual and psychological insights in helping us understand the nature of a Christian marriage and its developmental process. His broadening of perspective to include God as the author of the marriage and as a participant in a marriage is particularly useful and insightful. In short, anyone who wants to take a few more steps in deepening and furthering their understanding of their marital relationship and the role that God plays in it would benefit from reading this book.
    3 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on May 31, 2007
    I was extremely excited to read "The Intimate Mystery," having read a number of solid marriage books over the years but nothing new recently. And I had heard good things about Dan Allender. My wife and I read the book along with a small group of young married couples from our church.

    To its credit, the book has many strengths. Most significantly, the paradigm of leaving, weaving, and cleaving that Allender and Longman extract from Genesis 2 is extremely helpful. This framework for a successful, God-honoring marriage is biblical and simple.

    It is also clear that these are some smart guys. I consider myself to be relatively well-read, but I literally had to check a dictionary several times to look up words in this short book. Beyond vocabulary, the book presents some higher level concepts than other marriage books, which often settle for mere self-help approaches instead.

    The final positive points are more trivial. I appreciated that the book was shorter than some, which made it more readable and digestible. And the book jacket manages to be attractive without being unnecessarily feminine.

    Having admitted these strengths, I will briefly explain a few disappointments. First, I was very frustrated with the experience of trying to fit together the various curriculum pieces that accompany this book. There are six different study guides, a DVD, and a leader's guide, which are all explained to be essential to working through the material. Beyond the construction of a money-making franchise, I cannot imagine why the authors would seemingly require so many different separate (and costly) pieces. We decided to skip the DVD, and the study guides and leader's guide were not particularly helpful. I'd encourage others to just read the book.

    I was also surprised by how difficult it was for me to follow some of the authors' points. I'm not the brightest guy in the world, but I can read Lewis, Foster, Willard, McGrath and other intellectual heavyweights. Yet, I really struggled to get through some of the chapters. I just found some of the ideas to be almost hastily or sloppily thrown together, in a way that was not clear to the reader.

    Finally, our group was somewhat taken aback by some of the examples that were used. Though I suspect that the authors were using a rhetorical approach that was intended to jar and even shock the reader on occasion, our group found it to be off-putting.

    In conclusion, I am glad that I read this book, as the leave-weave-cleave paradigm was presented in a way that made sense to me. I imagine that this framework will stick with me and continue to shape my understanding of Christian marriage. However, I was not overly impressed with the book and cannot recommend it highly. If you're looking for a great book to strengthen your marriage, read Gary Thomas' "The Sacred Marriage" instead.
    20 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on May 27, 2014
    Excellent book on marriage from a Biblical perspective. Dr. Allender takes Genesis passage as model for men and women to leave, cleave and weave.
    The short excursions into theology were not meaningful to me, but I was able to skim through easily.
    This book can help anyone better understand how to achieve the oneness prescribed by God in the Bible.
  • Reviewed in the United States on January 23, 2017
    An excellent review of what marriage truly is versus the "feel good," selfish view of marriage that society promotes marriage to be. Comes from a biblical context, but the truths are universal. An excellent read for anyone considering marriage, not just for married couples.
  • Reviewed in the United States on September 6, 2015
    Thr mystery lies in the Spirit's work as we submit our own hearts. Th is is not a how to book. It is an invitation few will accept, to surrender their life and heart to the God of the universe in communion with another heart in true leaving, weaving, and cleaving adventure.
    One person found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on November 10, 2014
    AMAZON KINDLE CLOUD ONLY:
    Margins cut off the last word of several lines.
    Cannot read the book on cloud PC.

Top reviews from other countries

  • Michael F.
    5.0 out of 5 stars We are enjoying this!
    Reviewed in Canada on September 6, 2010
    Ok, this book tells it like it is. Yes, sometimes we make each other crazy and it's refreshing to read an author admit they do too. We're just getting started on it, but my husband and I BOTH are enjoying it. He even wants to get the companion Bible Studies when we're done with the book. Yes, you read that right..... a man is enjoying it and wants more!
  • PSR
    5.0 out of 5 stars Five Stars
    Reviewed in Canada on July 19, 2017
    Fantastic book.