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The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World Paperback – May 17, 2012

4.3 out of 5 stars 108 ratings

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In the movie The Matrix, the character Morpheus offers two pills to Neo—if he takes the blue pill, he will go on with life as he has before, believing what he has always believed. If he takes the red pill, he will find out what the “matrix” really is, and many of his earlier beliefs will be shattered. When it comes to taking a hard look at a specific set of beliefs about parenthood and reproduction that has driven our society for generations, The Baby Matrix is the red pill.We commonly think our desire to have children boils down to our biological wiring, but author Laura Carroll says it's much more than that. Unlike other books on parenthood, The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World takes a serious look at powerful social and cultural influences that drive the desire for the parenthood experience, and lays out why we need to be very aware of these influences to make the most informed decisions about parenthood.The Baby Matrix looks at long-held beliefs about parenthood and reproduction, and unravels why we believe what we believe. It lays out: -the historical origins of beliefs about parenthood and reproduction-why many of these beliefs no longer work for society or were never true in the first place-why we continue to believe them anyway-the prices society pays as a result The Baby Matrix shows us how we got here, brings to light what is true, which includes knowing about the powerful influence of “pronatalism,” and explains why society can no longer afford to leave pronatalism unquestioned. “This is not a book about convincing people not to have children,” says Carroll. “I want people to be very aware of the long-held social and cultural pressures, and be able to free themselves from those pressures when making parenthood choices. This will result in more people making the best decisions for themselves, will foster a society in which those who are best suited to become parents are the ones who have children and one that knows what it means to bring a child into the world today.”This book will make you examine your own intentions and beliefs, will rile you, and might just change your mind. Whether you are already a parent, want to become a parent, are still making up your mind, or know you don’t want children, you’ll never think about parenthood in the same way. The Baby Matrix is a must-read for anyone interested in psychology, sociology, anthropology, parenting issues, environmentalism, and social justice. But most of all, it’s for anyone, parent or not, who reveres the truth and wants the best for themselves, their families, and our world.
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Editorial Reviews

Review

"The Baby Matrix articulately and systematically challenges the multiple conscious and unconscious assumptions that go into the insistent 'pronatal' view of our American culture. Carroll details seven assumptions that make up this ongoing pronatal bias and summarizes relevant research from the last twenty years thereby effectively drawing the reader in to actually 'think'about each assumption.

Describing seven post-pronatal assumptions she then brings the reader toward seeing a society in which every adult would have the psychological freedom to find her/his way to creating a fulfilling adult identity that would not by necessity include parenthood. She lays out a clear road map for those in childbearing years to think through their decision to be or not to be a parent and offers compelling reasons why in fact not every adult 'should' become a parent.

This is a needed book for the twenty first century because we need to not only focus on individual and national identities, but, we must also begin to address the responsibilities we have as world citizens to our entire planet and its diminishing resources. Read this book."

--Mardy S. Ireland, PhD, author of
Reconceiving Women: Separating Motherhood From Female Identity


"The Baby Matrix ...isn't a book about infertility is one of the most helpful things I read while I was in my darkest moments. Carroll explores the myths and pressures behind pronatalism -- the pervasive idea that everyone should have children -- to make the argument that we'd all be better off if having kids were considered not an inevitability or a duty, but a vocation best suited for those who consider it a true calling. She debunks multiple misconceptions driving pronatalist attitudes, like the "biological clock" and the assumption that having children is the greatest source of human meaning and fulfillment.Reading The Baby Matrix as an infertile woman helped me distinguish what parts of my grief were from actually wanting to be a parent,and what parts were driven by social expectations and stigma around childlessness. And being able to define *why* I wanted children was ultimately empowering during a time I felt most helpless." ~Alexandra Kimball, BuzzFeed Contributor

Carroll's book is also for
all of us,whether we are parents or not. Like no other book, it helps people become very aware of the social and cultural pressures surrounding parenthood, and paves the way to free themselves from those pressures when making parenthood choices.This will result in more people making the best parenthood decisions for themselves, will foster a society in which those who are best suited to become parents are the ones who have children, and one that knows what it means to bring a child into the world today." ~Marcia Drut-Davis, author of Confessions of a Childfree Woman

What readers are saying:
"This book should be required reading for everyone thinking about having kids."

"Laura Carroll beautifully and carefully uncovers the powerful and pervasive nature of pronatalism in culture in this highly accessible and very interesting book...It's a fantastic read for anyone interested in seeing parenthood/non-parenthood from a refreshingly broad perspective and entering into this important decision with facts, intention,and purpose. Personally, I have never felt so excited, empowered, and validated by a book!"

"...I loved every single page of it... it's quite scary how pronatalism affects our lives, how many people are still trapped in this baby matrix, and how its consequences are overlooked."

"An eye-opener is an understatement!"

"
The Baby Matrix questions humanity-old practices and beliefs, allowing readers to get a real sense of reproductive responsibilities versus want.."

"..well-researched and compelling book that makes readers reflect on what they have been brought up to believe - no matter whether they are single, married, or with/without children."

"Amazing book. Changed my life!"

"Laura Carroll did a great job defining pronatalism and why it is so ingrained within our society. Her book reshapes the myths and offers a new way of looking at parenthood and reproduction."

"While challenging the assumptions of pronatalism that most people just take for granted as part of our society, this book offers valid and logical alternatives to the pronatalist mindset."

It"by no means condemns parenthood, and in many ways offers us valuable insight on both choices, be it becoming a parent or remaining/making the choice not to become a parent."

"She lays out a clear road map for those in childbearing years to think through their decision to be or not to be a parent..."

"I recommend this book for high school students, the childfree and parents alike."

"This book will challenge some beliefs about the life script."

"This is one of the must read books for anybody considering children, or aren't.It is in my top 3 must read books."

About the Author

In addition to The Baby Matrix, Laura Carroll's books include Families of Two: Interviews with HappilyMarried Couples Without Children by Choice, Man Swarm: How Overpopulation is Killing the Wild World (co-author), Voluntary and Involuntary Childlessness: TheJoys of Otherhood? (contributor), and FindingFulfillment From the Inside Out. 
Laura's books have been used in college curriculum, she is an internationally recognized expert on the childfree choice, and since the year 2000, Laura has been featured on network television, including ABC's Good Morning America and CBS' The Early Show, and has been a guest on a variety of radio talk shows, US and Canadian public radio. Her articles and work have appeared in many print and digital media, including Fortune, The Wall Street Journal, Vice, The Guardian, New York Magazine, Women's Health South Africa and UK. She has also been a contributor at The Huffington Post. Find out more about Laura at lauracarroll.com.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ LiveTrue Books (May 17, 2012)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 190 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0615642993
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0615642994
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.3 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.43 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.3 out of 5 stars 108 ratings

About the author

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Laura Carroll
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Laura Carroll is a nonfiction writer. Her books include:

A Special Sisterhood: 100 Fascinating Women From History Who Never Had Children (LiveTrue Books, 2023)

Winner, 2024 National Indie Excellence Award for Young Adult Non-Fiction genre

Finalist, 2024 National Indie Excellence Award, Women's Issues genre

25 Over 10: A Childfree Longitudinal Study (LiveTrue Books, 2022)

This publication summarizes the breadth and depth of findings of Laura's 10-year longitudinal study on childfree women.

Childfree across the Disciplines: Academic and Activist Perspectives on Not Choosing Children (Contributor) (Rutgers University Press, 2022)

This is a collection of essays that “engages…(mis)perceptions about childfree people: in media representations, demographics, historical documents, and both psychological and philosophical models. Foundational pieces from established experts on the childfree choice…appear alongside both activist manifestos and original scholarly work, comprehensively brought together. As the event’s founder, Laura's chapter, “The Annual Global Childfree Event: International Childfree Day” discusses the history of International Childfree Day.

Voluntary and Involuntary Childlessness: The Joys of Otherhood? (Contributor) (Emerald Publishing, 2018)

Her chapter, “The Intentionally Childless Marriage,” is part of this textbook which has contributors from around the world and is designed as a key resource for scholars, students and policymakers. It is based on her qualitative research since the late 1990s. Published by Emerald Publishing, UK.

Man Swarm: How Overpopulation is Killing the Wild World (LiveTrue Books, 2015)

Finalist, 2016 National Indie Excellence Award

Laura collaborated with renowned conservationist Dave Foreman on this book, which is sold to the public and has been used in undergraduate and graduate curriculum.

The Baby Matrix: Why Freeing Our Minds From Outmoded Thinking About Parenthood & Reproduction Will Create a Better World (LiveTrue Books, 2012)

Finalist, 2013 National Indie Excellence Award

This book examines and challenges pronatalism in our society. It is sold to the public and has been used in college curriculum.

Families of Two: Interviews with Happily Married Couples Without Children by Choice (Random House/Xlibris, 2000)

Well-received internationally and the first of its kind at the time of publication, Families of Two paved the way for Laura to become an expert and leading voice on the childfree choice. She conducted interview research for this book, and have continued qualitative data collection on the childfree choice and those who make it since its publication.

Finding Fulfillment From the Inside Out (LiveTrue Books, 2000)

This is her first book, which is based on her experience in counseling people who were laid off from their jobs. It is sold to the public and has been used in college life planning courses.

Learn more about her books at her website which has the url of her name.

She has been featured on network television, including ABC’s Good Morning America and CBS' The Early Show, been a guest on many radio talk shows, as well as US and Canadian public radio. Her articles and work have appeared in many print and digital media publications, including Fortune, The Wall Street Journal, Vice, The Guardian, New York Magazine, Women’s Health South Africa and UK.

Laura's career has also included:

Master’s in Psychology and Communications

Over 10 years experience in business psychology, specializing in employee selection, training & development, and seminar leadership.

Over 15 years in litigation psychology and communications, including mock trials, witness preparation, jury selection, and case strategy in high profile civil cases.

Over 10 years experience as an editor and public speaking adviser for individual, business and non-profit clients.

She has been a contributor at The Huffington Post, ran the popular La Vie Childfree blog, founded and headed for 10 years (starting in 2013) the International Childfree Day event, a global endeavor to foster the acceptance of the childfree choice in today’s society.

Customer reviews

4.3 out of 5 stars
108 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book very insightful, with one review highlighting its thorough explanation of the roots of pronatalism. The book receives positive feedback for its readability, with customers describing it as a good read.

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12 customers mention "Insight"12 positive0 negative

Customers find the book insightful, with one customer particularly appreciating how it explains the roots of pronatalism and another noting its well-researched content.

"...This book completely freed me. I know as long as I'm with him and we have a fulfilling relationship, I am happy not to have children...." Read more

"...Although, the book is not bad and shows interesting perspectives, for my purpose it was absolutely useless." Read more

"...specifically talk about but for a short book, it covers all the myths around procreating...." Read more

"...Myth of Mom and Apple Pie, has there been such an in-depth and eye-opening book on a very important topic...." Read more

11 customers mention "Readability"11 positive0 negative

Customers find the book to be a very good read, with one customer noting it reads like an essay and another describing it as concise.

"I read this book in about 24 hours. It was amazing. I always thought I wanted to be a mother, even though the idea of raising a child terrified me...." Read more

"...Although, the book is not bad and shows interesting perspectives, for my purpose it was absolutely useless." Read more

"Amazing, gratifying read that explains the torturous amount of pronatal messaging in society...." Read more

"...to further explain my decision to not have kids, and the first few chapters are decent...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on June 19, 2013
    I read this book in about 24 hours. It was amazing. I always thought I wanted to be a mother, even though the idea of raising a child terrified me. I thought that if I met a man and he didn't want to have a child with me, he didn't love me enough. And that if I didn't have children, there would be something wrong with me. Even though the idea of taking care of someone 20 plus years, and stopping to live my amazing life was not very appealing. I had this fear that if I didn't have a kid, I would later regret it. I also had no interest in adopting, but wanted my own child.

    I am now 30, still without children, and I have met an amazing man. He already has children that are almost grown (14 is his youngest) and he thought about the idea of having a child with me. And he decided no, raising another kid, having another 20 years of putting someone else first, was not interesting. He feels it would ruin our relationship as well and then he would be in the same position he is in now.

    When he told me this I was crushed. I cried for a day, and though he didn't love me. After holding me and having a conversation, I suddenly realized that he didn't want to have kids with me because he did love me and he wanted us to be happy and have an amazing life. That he had experience raising children and it is NOT EASY.

    So I went to my friend Google, asking the question "Why do we have an urge to Procreate" and I found this book. OMG, my eyes are opened. I realize that I don't have to have kids, I won't regret it if I don't have kids, and I can have a fulfilling life without having children. There is no urge to procreate, it is all a myth. And how society is pressuring people to have children.

    This book completely freed me. I know as long as I'm with him and we have a fulfilling relationship, I am happy not to have children. If it doesn't work, I still may not want kids. I may meet someone who wants children, but I will be more educated on the real commitment and strain on a relationship it takes to raising a child. That I don't need to have my own, and being selfless is really thinking about the world as a whole and not just me. Having a child doesn't make someone love me, it doesn't prove love, and it is not something that completes me as a women. I always thought I just wanted the experience, but now I realize I don't need it. I can work with children, volunteer, be an amazing aunt to children my brothers may or may not have, and still have an amazing life. I feel so extremely free from societies pressures of pronatalism. I am so thankful my eyes are open. I can't say I won't have my own child, I don't know what the future holds. But if I decide not too, I won't regret it. And if I decide that I do one day want to raise a child, whether that is adoption or having only one of my own, I will go into it with open eyes into exactly what I'm getting into.

    AMAZING BOOK. CHANGED MY LIFE!
    38 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on April 22, 2020
    I bought the book since I am trying to stop loosing my mind because I do not have kids. It will NOT "change your mind" as it might claim. The book just describes how our society became pro-natal and why we should stop this mentality in our overpopulated world. If I understood correctly, it even rejects the idea of biological urge , which to my mind is silly. Although, the book is not bad and shows interesting perspectives, for my purpose it was absolutely useless.
    3 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on April 9, 2013
    I wasn't sure what the book would specifically talk about but for a short book, it covers all the myths around procreating. I'm very glad to find a book that confirms all that I had suspected long ago but couldn't find others who agreed with me. It also addressed my own culturally-based fears and I felt I was being freed from all the myths. It's a great book for both parents and non-parents. Parents can read this to understand the childfree point of view and to be more sensitive to someone's choice of not having children. Childfree people can read this to understand they are not insane and there's nothing wrong with them. This book does not advocate never having children but talks about what influences the decision to have one.
    7 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on October 5, 2013
    Pronatalism is still an unknown force in society. In my opinion, it should be! It's dangerous, not-so-subtle societal pressures which whisper to all,"Have a baby!" To those of us who carefully choose not to have or raise a child, it creates reactions of scorn. We are thought of as "selfish and irresponsible". Those words are never equated to parents who may, indeed, be selfish and irresponsible.
    Not since Ellen Peck's and Judith Senderowitz' Book, Pronatalism: The Myth of Mom and Apple Pie, has there been such an in-depth and eye-opening book on a very important topic.
    If this was required reading in high schools, it could stop teen pregnancies. If this was required reading for anyone, it could stop people who abuse or are not emotionally and financially ready to have children.
    Brava to Ms. Carroll!
    19 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on May 4, 2020
    Amazing, gratifying read that explains the torturous amount of pronatal messaging in society. I agonized for so long over what was wrong with me that made me not want kids, and i knew logically it was exactly what this book discusses, but man is it a relief to hear it from an expert.
    4 people found this helpful
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  • Reviewed in the United States on January 10, 2020
    While I think this is good for creating discussion about how and where pronatalism exists, I found it to be problematic in some areas.
    Others have mentioned it as well- the parental qualification certification idea was very idealist. It's not that simple. The punishments were counterproductive and oppressive. That section killed it for me.
    As a whole, it felt like I was reading a very long blog post filled with conjecture. At best, it at least brings the issue of pronatalism into peoples' minds and hopefully will help someone else!
  • Reviewed in the United States on November 24, 2018
    If you are not sure if you really want to have a child or if you feel pressure from society to start a family, read this book. Helps in dealing with the social pressure and a great reminder to follow your own path...which may be childfree!
    5 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • Natalie
    5.0 out of 5 stars Enlightening - wish I’d bought it years ago
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on November 4, 2020
    Great read. An alternative and positive outlook on how the world could be if we moved away from a pro-natalist society. I’ve never felt a strong desire to have children, a “fence sitter” all these years. But reading this book bought me clarity and the eureka moment that it’s not me, it’s them. Wish I read this years ago and saved myself a lot of internal pressure, guilt and shame. Thank you Laura for writing this.
  • snowflake
    5.0 out of 5 stars For anyone seeking clarity
    Reviewed in Canada on January 11, 2018
    Thank you Laura Carroll for writing The Baby Matrix. Up until reading it I have struggled with my decision to live my life childfree. I couldn't quite understand the contradiction within myself and often felt like something was wrong with me! The wisdom you've shared in the book has brought me the clarity I've been seeking.
  • Rodrigo Jácome
    5.0 out of 5 stars Worth reading, a well structured research.
    Reviewed in Mexico on July 19, 2023
    A good book for people wondering if it is ok to choose not to be a parent.

    Give it a try.
  • P B
    5.0 out of 5 stars Need of the Hour!
    Reviewed in India on May 30, 2021
    Must Read!
  • A. Hipwood
    4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 17, 2016
    A great read, raising numerous valid and interesting points. I have recommended to many who are also 'child free'