This book was a required textbook for one of my counseling courses, along with two others. Like most University students, I didn't read this book but rather skimmed it for the necessary information in order to pass. I liked what I had initially read but it sat on my bookshelf while I attended to the other required course readings.
A few weeks ago I was reading an issue of Psychotherapy Networker. An article written by Kottler caught my attention and reminded me of the book gathering dust on the shelf. I decided I would make the time to give the book a proper read. And I'm glad I did.
This is the fourth edition of the book with the original being released over twenty-five years ago. Kottler writes from the experience of a master therapist, prolific author, professor in the Department of Counseling at California State University, Fullerton, and also as the head of the Madhav Ghimire Foundation, which provides scholarships to girls in Nepal. The latter - his work with at-risk girls in Nepal - was the focus of the article I was reading which drew me back to his book.
The most important take-away I gleaned from this book was that counselors are human. Complete with human goals, triumphs, tests, and even fallacies.
Kottler begins by addressing the many reasons why therapists enter the field of counseling. What draws a person into this type of profession? He dissects the vulnerabilities, experiences, and struggles therapists face. This is by far, not a book that glamorizes the field of counseling. Kottler brings up cold, hard truths about therapists not practicing what they preach, struggling to maintain a professional identity, and the pressures of being a mentor.
How do therapists separate their personal and professional lives? A poignant point in this section was the fact that many therapists spend countless hours in intimate conversations with clients, discussing issues of the most personal nature. Yet when the therapist leaves work and heads home, he or she may not give this same kind of attention to their own loved ones.
Kottler also addresses self-healing and being able to take one's own advice, how to say "no" to a client or a caseload too intensive to effectively be handled. At this point the reader may wonder if this book is more of a doom-and-gloom wordy whine-fest on being a counselor. I suppose some could see it that way but I choose to view it as a realistic look at the profession and the effects of the profession on the therapist.
Kottler moves on to noting how clients change the therapists. How powerful are the stories shared of the experiences our fellow humans endure. He also touches on how difficult failure can be in a session. Not only for the client but for the therapist. He runs through the excuses therapists use to console themselves such as:
The client wasn't motivated.
Sometimes you have to get worse to get better.
This is all part of resistance.
As long as they keep coming back, they must be getting something out of therapy.
He's really improving, he just won't admit it.
While in some cases these may be true, Kottler admits that sometimes, therapists just do lousy work.
One of the most interesting chapters spoke to boredom, the lack of stimulation, and burnout, too much stimulation. Kottler offers several methods on how to combat both and when to realize either is present.
In the end, Kottler stresses the importance of personal growth and creativity in therapists. He provides helpful tips such as admitting when you're lost, question cherished assumptions and conventional wisdom, embrace mystery and confusion, and think outside the box.
I found this to be a moving book, exceptionally written. This book gave me a realistic glimpse at what it means to be a therapist. In Kottler's words:
"Every day, every hour, people disclose to us the most disturbing and dysfunctional behaviors imaginable. After a while we lose the ability to be shocked by the weird, creepy, sick, hurtful things that people do to themselves and to others. People tell us secrets that have never been shared before - of abuse, trauma, suffering, addiction, compulsion, perversity, anger - and we are expected to hold all that and tell no one. People confide their worst instincts, fantasies, hallucinations, delusions, and obsessions, and we are required to listen and take it all in. Nothing we see on television or the media can touch the realities that we encounter in our offices. We see people at their absolute worst, when they are on the verge of cracking. We are subjected to onslaughts of rage, shame, indignation, seduction, and manipulation during times when people are most powerless and out of control. We talk to people about the forbidden, about that which is not said."
Forget about peering inside someone's mind or heart: we see inside their souls.
Highly Recommended
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- Reviewed in the United States on May 2, 2014
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Top reviews from other countries
- Jill T.Reviewed in the United Kingdom on January 15, 2015
She was delighted because she knew of the author and very much ...
- Dr. Deborah Mairs-HoughtonReviewed in the United Kingdom on April 6, 2014
Great read
