10X Health - Shop now
$14.06 with 30 percent savings
List Price: $19.99
Get Fast, Free Shipping with Amazon Prime FREE Returns
FREE delivery January 29 - February 10 on orders shipped by Amazon over $35
Or fastest delivery January 27 - February 6
$$14.06 () Includes selected options. Includes initial monthly payment and selected options. Details
Price
Subtotal
$$14.06
Subtotal
Initial payment breakdown
Shipping cost, delivery date, and order total (including tax) shown at checkout.
Ships from
Amazon.com
Amazon.com
Ships from
Amazon.com
Sold by
Amazon.com
Amazon.com
Sold by
Amazon.com
Returns
30-day refund/replacement
30-day refund/replacement
This item can be returned in its original condition for a full refund or replacement within 30 days of receipt.
Payment
Secure transaction
Your transaction is secure
We work hard to protect your security and privacy. Our payment security system encrypts your information during transmission. We don’t share your credit card details with third-party sellers, and we don’t sell your information to others. Learn more
Kindle app logo image

Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.

Read instantly on your browser with Kindle for Web.

Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.

QR code to download the Kindle App

Follow the author

Something went wrong. Please try your request again later.

Why Gender Matters, Second Edition: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know About the Emerging Science of Sex Differences Paperback – August 29, 2017

4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 632 ratings

{"desktop_buybox_group_1":[{"displayPrice":"$14.06","priceAmount":14.06,"currencySymbol":"$","integerValue":"14","decimalSeparator":".","fractionalValue":"06","symbolPosition":"left","hasSpace":false,"showFractionalPartIfEmpty":true,"offerListingId":"rxmWQf%2BnZdaHzN6h3lxtZnPC%2FFkHemcNvr5IxKPW1n8WCYKkOHuwmC%2Fw8ZbplWSUBbOq%2BP4cRMCUIVuunngOiG3bNEQ4KYIn%2BP8hWqxUGSBVrXfNEwtOyeOXIJKbjtscS%2B%2FlHaG5y0wDDrrmpUwHYQ%3D%3D","locale":"en-US","buyingOptionType":"NEW","aapiBuyingOptionIndex":0}]}

Purchase options and add-ons

A revised and updated edition (with more than 70% new material) of the evergreen classic about the innate differences between boys and girls and how best to parent and teach girls and boys successfully, with completely new chapters on sexual orientation and on transgender and intersex kids.

Eleven years ago,
Why Gender Matters broke ground in illuminating the differences between boys and girls--how they perceive the world differently, how they learn differently, how they process emotions and take risks differently. Dr. Sax argued that in failing to recognize these hardwired differences between boys and girls, we ended up reinforcing damaging stereotypes, medicalizing normal behavior (see: the rising rates of ADHD diagnosis), and failing to support kids to reach their full potential. In the intervening decade, the world has changed drastically, with an avalanche of new research which supports, deepens, and expands Dr. Sax's work. This revised and updated edition includes new findings about how boys and girls interact differently with social media and video games; a completely new discussion of research on gender non-conforming, LGB, and transgender kids, new findings about how girls and boys see differently, hear differently, and even smell differently; and new material about the medicalization of bad behavior.

The%20Amazon%20Book%20Review
The Amazon Book Review
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now.

Frequently bought together

This item: Why Gender Matters, Second Edition: What Parents and Teachers Need to Know About the Emerging Science of Sex Differences
$14.06
Get it as soon as Wednesday, Jan 29
Ships from and sold by Amazon.com.
+
$17.99
Get it as soon as Saturday, Jan 18
In Stock
Ships from and sold by Amazon.com.
+
$17.09
Get it as soon as Saturday, Jan 18
In Stock
Ships from and sold by Amazon.com.
Total price: $00
To see our price, add these items to your cart.
Details
Added to Cart
spCSRF_Treatment
Some of these items ship sooner than the others.
Choose items to buy together.

Editorial Reviews

About the Author

Leonard Sax MD PhD graduated Phi Beta Kappa from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) at the age of 19, and then went on to the University of Pennsylvania, where he earned both a PhD in psychology, and an MD. He completed a 3-year residency in family practice in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. For 19 years, Dr. Sax was a practicing family physician in Maryland, just outside Washington DC. He now sees patients in West Chester, Pennsylvania (west of Philadelphia). In 2005, Doubleday published his first book Why Gender Matters; an updated edition was published by Harmony in 2017. His second book, Boys Adrift, was published in 2007. His third book Girls on the Edge was published in 2010; an updated edition will be published in 2020. His most recent book The Collapse of Parenting was published by Basic Books in December 2015 and became a New York Times bestseller.

Dr. Sax has spoken on issues of child and adolescent development not only in the United States but also in Australia, Bermuda, Canada, England, Germany, Italy, Mexico, New Zealand, Scotland, Spain, and Switzerland. He has visited more than 400 schools since 2001. He has appeared on the TODAY Show, CNN, National Public Radio, Fox News, PBS, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, the British Broadcasting Corporation, the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, New Zealand Television, and many other national and international media. 

Find him online at leonardsax.com

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

Chapter 1

Differences

Jason is sixteen. His sister Sonya is fourteen. They come from a stable home with two loving parents. Mom and Dad are concerned about Jason, their son: He’s not working hard at school and his grades are sliding. He spends most of his free time playing video games like Grand Theft Auto or Call of Duty, or surfing the Web for pictures of girls.

Both parents are actually quite proud of Sonya. She is a straight-A student and an athlete, and she has many friends. But when I meet with Sonya, she tells me that she isn’t sleeping well. She wakes up in the middle of the night, feeling guilty about having eaten one whole slice of pizza at supper. She often has palpitations and shortness of breath. And she has just started to cut herself with a razor blade, secretly, on her upper inner thigh so her parents won’t see. She hasn’t told her parents any of this. On the surface she is the golden girl. Inside she feels that she is falling apart.

Her brother Jason, on the other hand, is happy as a clam. He can eat a whole pizza without the slightest remorse. He has no difficulty sleeping: in fact, his parents had to kick him out of bed at noon on a Saturday. He likes to spend his free time hanging with his two buddies who are just like him, playing video games and looking at pictures of girls online.

Matthew turned five years old in August, just before kindergarten started. He was looking forward to it. From what he had heard, kindergarten sounded like one long playdate with friends. He could hardly wait. So his mother, Cindy, was surprised when, in October, Matthew started refusing to go to school, refusing even to get dressed in the morning. More than once Cindy had to dress him, then drag him writhing and thrashing into the car, force him into the car seat, and then pull him out of the car and into the school.

Cindy decided to investigate. She sat in on his kindergarten class. She spoke with the teacher. Everything seemed fine. The teacher--gentle, soft-spoken, and well educated--reassured Mom that there was no cause for alarm. But Cindy remained concerned, and rightly so, because major problems were just around the corner.

Caitlyn was a shy child and just the slightest bit overweight all through elementary school. In middle school she underwent a metamorphosis from chubby wallflower to outgoing socialite. She lost weight so quickly that her mother, Jill, worried she might be anorexic. For the next four years, though, everything seemed great--in a frantic and crazy sort of way. Caitlyn was juggling a heavy academic load, had lots of friends, and maintained a full schedule of after-school activities, staying up until midnight or later doing homework. But she seemed happy enough--often frenzied and frazzled, sure, but still happy. Or at least that’s what everybody thought until the phone rang at 3:00 a.m. that awful, unforgettable November night. A nurse told Jill that Caitlyn was in the emergency room, unconscious, having tried to commit suicide with an overdose of Vicodin and Xanax.

These stories share a common element. In each case problems arose because the parents did not understand some differences between girls and boys. In each case trouble might have been averted if the parents had known enough about boy/girl differences to recognize what was really happening in their child’s life. In each case the parents could have taken specific action that might have prevented or solved the problem.

We will come back to each of these kids later in this book. Right now it may not be obvious to you how each of these stories illustrates a failure to understand sex differences. That’s okay. Later on we’ll hear more about Justin and Sonya, Matthew, and Caitlyn. Armed with some knowledge about boy/girl differences, you will be able to recognize where the parents made the wrong decision or failed to act, and you will see how the stories might have ended differently.

 

The Dubious Virtue of Gender-Neutral Child Rearing

I enrolled in the Ph.D. program in psychology at the University of Pennsylvania way back in September 1980. Governor Ronald Reagan was challenging President Jimmy Carter for the presidency. The original Apple computer had recently come on the market. “My typewriter is working fine” was the answer the department secretary gave me when I asked her whether she would be getting a computer anytime soon. Nobody I knew had ever heard of e-mail or the Internet. The invention of the World Wide Web still lay ten years in the future.

Among the courses I took that fall was a graduate seminar in developmental psychology. “Why do girls and boys behave differently?” my professor, Justin Aronfreed, asked rhetorically. “Because we expect them to. We teach them to. Imagine a world in which we raised girls to play with tanks and trucks, in which we encouraged boys to play with dolls. Imagine a world in which we played rough-and-tumble games with girls while we cuddled and hugged the boys. In such a world, many of the differences we see in how girls and boys behave--maybe even all the differences--would vanish.”

In another seminar my fellow graduate students and I learned about the extraordinary work of Professor John Money at Johns Hopkins. Professor Money had been consulted by the parents of an unfortunate little boy whose penis had literally been sizzled off during a botched circumcision. At Dr. Money’s recommendation, the boy had been raised as a girl, with excellent results (according to Dr. Money). The child loved to play dress-up, enjoyed helping Mom in the kitchen, and disdained “boy toys” such as guns or trucks. “Dr. Money’s work provides further evidence that most of the differences we observe between girls and boys are socially constructed,” Professor Henry Gleitman told us. “We reward children who follow the sex roles we create for them while we penalize or at least fail to reward children who don’t conform. Parents create and reinforce differences between girls and boys.”

We nodded sagely. In clinical rotations we often encountered parents who still clung to the quaint notion that girls and boys were different from birth. But we knew better.

Or so we thought.

I graduated with my Ph.D. in psychology, as well as my M.D., in 1986. When I left Philadelphia to begin my residency in family practice, I got rid of most of the papers I had accumulated during my six years at the University of Pennsylvania. But there was one folder I didn’t throw out: a folder of papers about sex differences in hearing, showing that girls and boys hear differently.

Four years later, after I finished my residency in family medicine, my wife and I established a family practice in Montgomery County, Maryland, just outside of Washington, DC. Several years passed. I wasn’t thinking much about gender differences. Then, in the mid-1990s, I began to notice a parade of second- and third-grade boys marching into my office, their parents clutching a note from the school. The notes read: “We’re concerned that Justin [or Carlos or Tyrone] may have attention deficit disorder. Please evaluate.”

In some of these cases I found that what these boys needed wasn’t drugs for ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) but rather a teacher who understood the differences in how girls and boys learn. Upon further inquiry, I found that nobody at the school was aware of girl/boy differences in the ability to hear. I reread the papers in that manila folder, documenting hardwired differences in the ability to hear, showing that the average boy has hearing that is less sensitive than the average girl. In the next chapter we will look more closely at evidence for sex differences in hearing.

Think about the typical second-grade classroom. Imagine Justin, six years old, sitting at the back of the class. The teacher, a woman, is speaking in a tone of voice that seems about right to her. Justin barely hears her. Instead, he’s staring out the window or watching a fly crawl across the ceiling. The teacher notices that Justin isn’t paying attention. Justin is demonstrating a deficit of attention. The teacher may reasonably wonder whether Justin perhaps has attention deficit disorder.

The teacher is absolutely right about Justin showing a deficit of attention. But his attention deficit isn’t due to attention deficit disorder, it’s due to the fact that Justin isn’t hearing the soft-spoken teacher very well. And very few six-year-old boys will raise their hands and say, “Excuse me, Ms. Gentlevoice, I do hear you, but not very well. Could you please speak more loudly?” The teacher is talking in a tone of voice that seems comfortable to her, but some of the boys are zoning out. In some cases we might be able to fix the problem simply by putting the boy in the front row.

“You should write a book, Dr. Sax,” one parent told me. “Write a book so that more teachers know about the differences in how girls and boys hear.”

I allowed myself a patronizing smile. “I’m sure that there must already be such books for teachers, and for parents,” I said.

“There aren’t,” she said.

“I’ll find some for you,” I said.

That conversation took place nearly twenty years ago. Since then I’ve read lots of popular books about differences between girls and boys. And guess what. That mom was right. Not only do most of the books currently in print about girls and boys fail to state the basic facts about innate differences between the sexes, but many of them promote a bizarre form of political correctness, suggesting that it is somehow chauvinistic even to hint that any innate differences exist between female and male. A tenured professor at Brown University published a book in which she claims that the division of the human race into two sexes, female and male, is an artificial invention of our culture. “Nature really offers us more than two sexes,” she claims, adding, “Our current notions of masculinity and femininity are cultural conceits.” The decision to “label” a child as a girl or a boy is “a social decision,” according to this expert. We should not label any child as being either a girl or a boy, this professor proclaims. “There is no either/or. Rather, there are shades of difference.”1 This book received courteous mention in The New York Times and The Washington Post. America’s most prestigious medical journal, The New England Journal of Medicine, praised the author for her “careful and insightful” approach to gender.2

I soon assembled a small library of books that counsel parents that the best child-rearing is gender-neutral child rearing. These books tell parents that true virtue is to be found in training your child to play with toys traditionally associated with the opposite sex. You should buy dolls for your son, to teach him how to nurture.3 You should buy an Erector set for your daughter. The underlying assumptions--that giving dolls to boys will cause boys to become more nurturing, or that giving girls Erector sets will improve girls’ spatial relations skills--are seldom questioned.

On the same bookshelf you can find books that do affirm the existence of innate differences in how girls and boys learn. But these books often promote antiquated and inaccurate gender stereotypes. “Girls are more emotional than boys.” “Boys have a brain-based advantage when it comes to learning math.” Those notions turn out to be false.

On one hand, you have books claiming that there are no innate differences between girls and boys, and that anybody who thinks otherwise is a reactionary stuck in the 1950s. On the other, you have books affirming innate differences between girls and boys--but these authors interpret these differences in a manner that reinforces gender stereotypes.

These books have only one thing in common. They are based less on fact and more on their authors’ personal beliefs or political agendas--either to deny innate sex differences or to use sex differences in child development as a justification for maintaining traditional sex roles. After waiting for somebody else to write a book about girls and boys based on actual scientific research and clinical experience, I finally decided to write one myself.

Every child is unique. I will not suggest that all boys are the same or that all girls are the same. I know that they are not. I have been a medical doctor for more than thirty years. I am the veteran of thousands of office visits with girls and boys. But the fact that each child is unique and complex should not blind us to the fact that gender is one of the two great organizing principles in child development--the other principle being age. Trying to understand a child without understanding the role of gender in child development is like trying to understand a child’s behavior without knowing the child’s age. Pick up a book with a title like What to Expect from Your Two-Year-Old. That book is very different from What to Expect from Your Eight-Year-Old. Of course, nobody is saying that all two-year-olds are alike or that all eight-year-olds are alike. While recognizing diversity among two-year-olds, we can still have a meaningful discussion of the ways in which two-year-olds and eight-year-olds differ, categorically, in terms of what they can do, what they’re interested in, how they relate to their parents, and so on.

At least with regard to how children hear and speak, gender may be even more fundamental to learning than age is. When the noted linguist and Georgetown University professor Deborah Tannen compared how girls and boys of different ages use language, she “was overwhelmed by the differences that separated the females and males at each age, and the striking similarities that linked the females, on one hand, and the males, on the other, across the vast expanse of age. In many ways, the second-grade girls were more like the twenty-five-year-old women than like the second-grade boys.”4

The analogy to age differences provides a good way to think about sex differences. No two girls are alike, just as no two boys are alike. Seven-year-old Stephanie, who likes to roll in the mud and play soccer, is very different from seven-year-old Zoe. Zoe’s favorite hobby is playing with her Barbies. Zoe also insisted on joining the Junior Poms, a sort of cheerleading group. Zoe was asking for lipstick at age five. Her mother, Barbara, a sincere old-school feminist, was horrified. “Where is this coming from?” she asked me, bewildered. “I only own one lipstick and I haven’t used it in six months. And I loathe and despise Barbies. I’ve never even bought one for Zoe. She gets all that trash as gifts from her aunts and uncles.”

 

1. Anne Fausto-Sterling, Sexing the Body: Gender Politics and the Construction of Sexuality (New York: Basic Books, 2000), pp. 31, 3.

2. Claudia Dreifus, “Anne Fausto-Sterling: Exploring What Makes Us Male or Female,” New York Times, January 2, 2001, p. F3. See also Courtney Weaver, “Birds Do It,” Washington Post, March 26, 2000, p. X6; and Marc Breedlove, “Sexing the Body,” New England Journal of Medicine, volume 343, p. 668, August 31, 2000.

3. This recommendation is made by Susan Hoy Crawford in her book Beyond Dolls and Guns: 101 Ways to Help Children Avoid Gender Bias (Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann, 1995). See also William’s Doll by Charlotte Zolotow (New York: Harper & Row, 1972).

4. Deborah Tannen, You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, rev. ed. (New York: HarperCollins, 2001), p. 245.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Harmony; Reprint edition (August 29, 2017)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 400 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0451497775
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0451497772
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.15 x 0.86 x 8 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.6 4.6 out of 5 stars 632 ratings

About the author

Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.
Leonard Sax
Brief content visible, double tap to read full content.
Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

Leonard Sax MD PhD graduated Phi Beta Kappa from the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) at the age of 19, and then went on to the University of Pennsylvania, where he earned both a PhD in psychology, and an MD. He completed a 3-year residency in family practice in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. For 19 years, Dr. Sax was a practicing family physician in Maryland, just outside Washington DC. In 2005, Doubleday published his first book Why Gender Matters; an updated edition was published in August 2017. His second book, Boys Adrift, was published in 2007; an updated edition was published in June 2016. His third book Girls on the Edge was published in 2010; an updated edition was published in August 2020. His fourth book The Collapse of Parenting was published by Basic Books in December 2015 and became a New York Times bestseller. An updated edition was published in October 2024.

Dr. Sax has spoken on issues of child and adolescent development not only in the United States but also in Australia, Bermuda, Canada, England, Germany, Italy, Mexico, New Zealand, Scotland, Spain, and Switzerland. He has visited more than 500 schools since 2001. He has appeared on the TODAY Show, CNN, National Public Radio, Fox News, PBS, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation, the British Broadcasting Corporation, and many other national and international media. His books have been translated into ten languages.

Dr. Sax now lives with his wife and daughter in Chester County, Pennsylvania. He returned to clinical practice, in Pennsylvania, in 2013, where he continues to see patients while still leading workshops, and writing. You can reach Dr. Sax directly, and sign up for his monthly e-newsletter, via his web site.

Customer reviews

4.6 out of 5 stars
632 global ratings

Review this product

Share your thoughts with other customers

Customers say

Customers find the book informative and helpful for parents and teachers. They describe it as a good, refreshing read with pleasant writing. The book helps them understand and accommodate learning differences between boys and girls. It is well-sourced and reliable, with a section on discipline that is noteworthy. However, opinions differ on the story quality - some find them engaging and full of stories, while others consider them flawed.

AI-generated from the text of customer reviews

124 customers mention "Information quality"119 positive5 negative

Customers find the book informative and insightful. They say it answers many questions in various areas of life, including adults. The book provides research-backed information regarding physiologic differences. It presents information and conclusions based on research and publications from many sources. Readers find the book densely packed with pertinent details in a readable style.

"...the differences in how boys and girls learn and develop, appropriate parenting techniques, and how to help them live up to their potential and..." Read more

"...I found it insightful and convincing. It has improved how I parent and interact with all children." Read more

"...The author gives only pertinent details- densely packed information in a readable style. No fluff to waste your time...." Read more

"...the psychological differences of boys and girls, and it definitely opened my eyes to not only the significance of gender, but the importance as well...." Read more

98 customers mention "Readability"95 positive3 negative

Customers find the book easy to read and refreshing. They appreciate the writing style and content, which is thought-provoking and enlightening. The author provides clear explanations on what discipline works for different age groups in language that the layperson can understand easily. The tone throughout the book is respectful.

"An outstanding book on the differences in how boys and girls learn and develop, appropriate parenting techniques, and how to help them live up to..." Read more

"...I liked the book so much I encouraged my older two daughters to read the book...." Read more

"...I have been able to immediately put this information to use, to help a traumatized little boy and to encourage a bullied little girl...." Read more

"...The Verdict: Buy the book, it's an interesting read. If you are into gender studies you will love it, but take some of his opinions lightly." Read more

14 customers mention "Gender stereotypes"11 positive3 negative

Customers find the book helpful for understanding and adjusting to learning differences between boys and girls. It helps them understand how boys and girls are programmed differently from the start of their lives, and it provides information on physical and mental differences between male and females. The book explains how the male and female brain develops differently, and it helps them connect with their students on a more personal level.

"...It has improved how I parent and interact with all children." Read more

"...this book will help me grow as a teacher and connect with my students on a more personal level." Read more

"...I am able to understand my students better, and know the difference between boys and girls...." Read more

"...filled research-backed information regarding the physiologic differences between boys and girls and how this relates to parenting and schooling...." Read more

6 customers mention "Sturdiness"6 positive0 negative

Customers find the book well-sourced and interesting. They say it explains scientifically proven physical and mental differences between male and females. The book is described as in good condition and accurate.

"...I found it insightful and convincing. It has improved how I parent and interact with all children." Read more

"This book is really interesting. Explains the scientifically proven physical and mental differences between male and female and how this may mean..." Read more

"...Lots of great information by a reliable source. Would recommend it as a good read." Read more

"While the book was in good condition, accurately described - the timeliness of the shipment was a little slower than usual...." Read more

5 customers mention "Ideology"5 positive0 negative

Customers appreciate the book's research-based ideology. They say the author doesn't push any political agenda but simply writes about his experiences.

"Finally, a book based on research, not ideology...." Read more

"...GREAT book! My mom loves it too. The author is not pushing any political agenda but simply writes about his observations on his research, the..." Read more

"Very insightful book. It is not ideologically based, but fact based...." Read more

"...It is deeply rooted in evidence, rather than ideology. Everyone should read it." Read more

4 customers mention "Discipline content"4 positive0 negative

Customers find the book's discipline section helpful for parents.

"...He also devotes a large section of the book to discipline and talks about the different ways of punishing girls and boys according to their..." Read more

"...His section on discipline is noteworthy, particularly for parents. And his advocacy of gender-separated education rings the bell...." Read more

"...Very useful tool in teaching, discipline, and helping your child develop emotionally and socially." Read more

"This book is a must for teachers and parents. The chapter on discipline is especially good. Dr. Sax is a genuine man interested in helping people." Read more

7 customers mention "Story quality"3 positive4 negative

Customers have different views on the story quality. Some find it well-written and engaging, with stories that illustrate the author's experiences. Others say it's one of the worst books they've ever read, providing great parenting insights but not your average book.

"Has a lot of good information. The last chapter is pretty well garbage as far as I am concerned." Read more

"...they love race cars (they actually see more with movement) and warrior stories (victory, defeat, winners, losers, heroes, physical effort.)..." Read more

"This was one of the worst books I have ever read." Read more

"...This book gave many real-life experiences and stories that were eye opening...." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Reviewed in the United States on February 16, 2005
    An outstanding book on the differences in how boys and girls learn and develop, appropriate parenting techniques, and how to help them live up to their potential and become happy/productive adults.

    I had a few specific disagreements, despite my overall appreciation for this work.

    First, his overall view of the differences in the sexes. Sax says "Here are some examples of false beliefs about gender differences:

    * Boys are "naturally" better at math and science than girls are.

    * Girls are "naturally" more emotional than boys are.

    * Girls are "naturally" collaborative, while boys are competitive."

    I don't like this phrasing of gender differences. These statements might in fact be literally false as claimed, but certainly give a misleading impression of the typical differerences between males and females. I like the argument made by Baron-Cohen in his book, The Essential Difference, that on average male brains are optimized for systems, and female brains are optimized for empathy. Baron-Cohen's explanation fits the observed facts and research better than anything else I've seen, and would be a better overview than putting up some straw men to knock down like this, while ignoring the overall reality.

    With regard to competition, all of the studies I've seen show that competition is a significant incentive for boys but has no effect for girls. Ironically, both of the best-practives examples he cites from master classes for boys involve competition :-)

    Second, Sax echoes the educationist's mantra that "Almost every child is a gifted child." This seems ludicrous to me. The definition of gifted is top 3-5% on some dimension of human ability. There just aren't enough independent dimensions here for almost everyone to be gifted in some way. I would argue that the main three dimension are athleticism, cognition, and empathy. Most other dimesions have a fair amount of correlation with one or more of these, with musically gifted people typically also cognitively gifted, etc. You might come up with a few more (memory ability doesn't seem to be correlated with cognitive ability, for example), but "almost everyone"? I wouldn't think that more that 20-25% of the population would be gifted regardless of the number of dimensions you chose to measure, and that most of these "gifts" would not be related to academic ability in any way.

    The harm from this belief that "all children are gifted" comes when you then say that because everyone is gifted, everyone can be treated the same way. To his credit, Sax doesn't draw this conclusion, but is all too common -- my son went to Stuart Hall, one of the schools used by Sax as an example of best-practices teaching for boys, and I heard both of these statements from them (e.g. "everyone is gifted" and "we have the same program for everyone" and "even though your son has an IQ in the top 1% that doesn't mean he is more gifted intellectually than anyone else or could use any special help academically"). Particularly for children who are cognitively gifted, not having an appreciation for their learning differences in a classroom setting can often have long-term detrimental effects. (I see cognitively gifted chilren in a typical classroom as an unfortunate minority. They are not getting what they need to thrive.)

    Sax also echoes the desire to have more scientific career paths open to women, that there might still be social/teaching/peer pressures that contribute to the career choices made by women when more of them might actually prefer traditionally male professions. Could be, but there is no scientific evidence that supports this in any way, and there is a fair body of evidence that refutes it. There is also the fact of the difference in the tails of the male/female cognitive distributions: men have a higher standard deviation than women, so there are many more very bright men that women at the extreme high end of the tail, just as there are many more dull men at the low end of the scale.

    I also am not so convinced that single-sex schools are a good thing. My son went to Stuart Hall, an all-boys school in San Francisco, and the kids do band together against the teachers. This opposition can be quite intense. On the one hand, I suppose this is good for socialization, and my son is quite capable socially. On the other hand, it is not a good atmosphere for academics, learning appropriate behavior, or in terms of learning to relate with adults. I'm sure a lot of our issues had to do with the quality of the school overall and their standard of discipline, and I've never had a son go through the early years in a coed school, but I'm still concerned based on my experience.

    The rest of the book is all good, and highly recommended!

    (I looked at the one previous review before I wrote this, which had a number of complaints about Sax's parenting technique recommendations, and I don't agree with these criticisms. A careful reading of what Sax actually says refutes all of these concerns, as far as I can see.)
    122 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on October 9, 2012
    My wife and I blog at "Why Homeschool." Over the last seven years several of our readers encouraged us to read "Why Gender Matters" by Leonard Sax. My wife quickly accepted the suggestion, but I was slow in taking the advice. Recently I finally got around to reading the book and I wish I had read it sooner. I liked the book so much I encouraged my older two daughters to read the book.

    When my wife and I were first blessed to be parents we tried to encourage our daughters to play with boy toys. We got them Legos, trucks and so on. They used Legos to make beds for their dolls. The trucks were turned into families with the bigger trucks being the parents and the smaller trucks being the babies.

    Why Gender Matters explains what happened with our daughters. The books covers how the average boy and girl brains are different and what that means to both parenting and education. The author even goes so far as to say:

    "The failure to recognize and respect sex differences in child development has done substantial harm over the past thirty years - such will be my claim throughout the book." (page 7)

    The author reports on study after study that shows the brain wiring and tissue in females is intrinsically different than males. Here are some of the results of various studies:

    The left side of the brain in men is specialized for language functions while it is more spread out for women.
    New born girls hear better than new born boys.
    Girls draw nouns, boys draw verbs.
    Boys have a harder time talking about emotions because the part of the brain that talks is not closely connected with the part of the brain that feels.
    Boys and girls access risk differently.
    Boys and girls feel pain differently.

    The author explains how discipline should be different for boys and girls. If a young girl takes another girls doll, you can sit them down and ask them to think about how the other girl felt. By slowly walking the young girl through the experience she'll literally start to feel the emotions the other girl felt. Often she'll feel bad enough that she won't do it again. But it does no good with a young boy. With boys it is better to make sure the boy is supervised and assert your authority in a calm I'm in charge way.

    Another interesting thing is with boys aggression often builds friendships. After a serious fight two boys may become best pals. But a fight between two girls normally destroys any chance of friendship. The friendship between girls is typically face-to-face. They'll talk for hours. The friendship between boys is typically shoulder-to-shoulder. They'll do things together.

    In terms of education girls are more likely to want to do well to please the teacher. Boys are more likely to study if they find the material interesting. Girls are comfortable asking for help. Boys see asking for help as a last resort. The author explains that because the brains of boys and girls development in different sequences most boys really are NOT ready for academics in kindergarten. It is not developmentally appropriate.

    The author constantly makes the point that one type of brain isn't better or worse, just that they are different. We've seen a trend in the last couple decades to see boys who act like boys as being broken and needing medication to get them to behave like girls.

    I think every parent and every teacher should read this book. I found it insightful and convincing. It has improved how I parent and interact with all children.
    17 people found this helpful
    Report
  • Reviewed in the United States on March 29, 2024
    If you teach, you need this information! I have taught special ed for 21 years, and have taught religious classes to children and teens for 36 years. Knowing the information in this book could have saved me time and trouble! I have been able to immediately put this information to use, to help a traumatized little boy and to encourage a bullied little girl. This book had answers to situations I have puzzled over for years. The author gives only pertinent details- densely packed information in a readable style. No fluff to waste your time. And he addresses popular theories that disagree with his experience . If you want to be ineffective and continue to be frustrated in teaching, read what is politically correct. If you want to know how to actually reach kids and help them reach their potential (and make classroom management easier) then read this instead!
    One person found this helpful
    Report

Top reviews from other countries

  • Simon Woodington
    5.0 out of 5 stars Biologically we are different!
    Reviewed in Canada on October 4, 2022
    Difference matters and knowing those differences will help you to better understand yourself and the opposite sex. The knowledge in this book is transformative.
  • AC
    5.0 out of 5 stars Loved it!
    Reviewed in Mexico on March 14, 2022
    I started it on audible but I need to study these chapters. It has blown me away. It’s a must read for every member that constitutes today’s society.
  • cl
    5.0 out of 5 stars Knowing the differences helps
    Reviewed in Spain on April 5, 2021
    What every parents and every teacher in every schools should know about boys and girls. Their differences taken into consideration in order to actually promote strong young men and women.
  • Kévin Cardoso de Sá
    5.0 out of 5 stars Eye-opening
    Reviewed in Germany on February 11, 2021
    The book says its primary audience is parents, teachers, and people who work with kids. However, being none of those, I believe anyone can and should read this. It contains studies and data on why we can't treat boys and girls always the same.

    I know it's hard for a lot of people to read "Why Gender Matters" and not be offended nowadays, but this a must to read. I learned a lot that I would've never thought.

    There were some comments/reviews from people that felt offended by the book: ignore those. My guess would be that they're mad because this book proves with actual data and studies that their little fantasy world where "everybody is the same" and everything is a "social construct" is completely, utterly wrong.
  • Jahki
    5.0 out of 5 stars Best book purchase this year
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 16, 2019
    As a homeschooling mama with a boy and girl the same age this book is helping sooooo much. I thought I understood some of the differences before but this... this is a whole 'nother level