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Janet Jaffe PhD
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Unsung Lullabies: Understanding and Coping with Infertility Paperback – June 1, 2005

by Janet Jaffe (Author), David Diamond (Author), Martha Diamond (Author)
4.4 out of 5 stars 97 ratings
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For people experiencing infertility, wanting a baby is a craving unlike any other. The intensity of their longing is matched only by the complexity of the emotional maze they must navigate.

With insight and compassion, Drs. Janet Jaffe, Martha Diamond, and David Diamond-specialists in the field of Reproductive Psychology who have each experienced their own struggle with infertility-give couples the tools to:

*Reduce their sense of helplessness and isolation
*Identify their mates' coping styles to erase unfair expectations
*Listen to their "unsung lullabies"--their conscious and unconscious dreams about having a family--to mourn the losses of infertility and move on.

Ground-breaking, wise, and compassionate, Unsung Lullabies is a necessary companion for anyone coping with infertility.

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  1. Print length
    304 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publication date
    June 1, 2005
  4. Dimensions
    5.5 x 0.68 x 8.5 inches
  5. ISBN-10
    9780312313890
  6. ISBN-13
    978-0312313890
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Editorial Reviews

From Publishers Weekly

This empathetic self-help book argues that when couples find out that they can't have a baby, they're inflicted with an "unacknowledged trauma that leaves them feeling not only frustrated and angry, but sad, frightened, confused, guilty, overwhelmed and out of control." Having found little support for their own struggles with infertility trauma, Jaffe and the Diamonds (all clinical psychologists) co-founded The Center for Reproductive Psychology in San Diego, Calif. Here they sympathetically cover the core psychological issues of the matter, including the initial shock and denial, the persistent feelings of not being "healthy" or "normal," the relationship problems, the loss of sexual privacy, the grief and the belief that you're not really an adult until you have a child. Using their own and their patients' experiences, the authors offer many approaches to these problems: journaling, talking about infertility with your partner, practicing rituals to validate the losses, incorporating structure into your daily life and seeking out support groups and therapy. But the most important step, they say, is to recognize infertility for the trauma that it is. "Your losses are real," they explain. "Infertility does not merely represent a recent failed pregnancy, but a whole lifetime of dreams, hopes and plans that have gone horribly awry." One in ten adults of reproductive age is affected by infertility. For them, and for the friends and professionals who want to help them, this book provides compassionate insight into infertility's often unacknowledged ramifications.
Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

Review

“Must reading for the thousands of people struggling with the pain of infertility.” ―Christiane Northrup, M.D.

“I would HIGHLY recommend this book as required reading for anyone with infertility, all who work with infertility, as well as the families of persons with infertility.” ―Marjut Herzog, President of RESOLVE, South Florida

“A new, creative approach that avoids psychological and medical jargon and makes the issues accessible to any reader.” ―Miriam Tasini, Professor of Psychiatry, UCLA Medical School

Product details

  • ASIN ‏ : ‎ 0312313896
  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ St. Martin's Griffin; First Edition (June 1, 2005)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 304 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 9780312313890
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0312313890
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 9.6 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 5.5 x 0.68 x 8.5 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.4 out of 5 stars 97 ratings

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Janet Jaffe PhD

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4.4 out of 5 stars
97 global ratings

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Customers say

Customers find the book incredibly encouraging, helping them come to terms with their feelings and frustrations about infertility. They describe it as heartbreaking, with one customer noting how it provides simple explanations for complex emotions.

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16 customers mention "Encouragement"16 positive0 negative

Customers find the book incredibly encouraging, helping them come to terms with their feelings and frustrations, with one customer noting how it offers simple explanations for complex emotions.

"...Wonderfully encouraging book. I will definitely recommend this book to any and everyone I know going through Infertility." Read more

"...and INVALUABLE because it's just the opposite: it teaches you about the conditions, social & emotional ramifications, and then skills on how to deal..." Read more

"...This book really helped me understand those feelings as well as feelings I have yet felt. It also helps you to understand YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!..." Read more

"...that I meet. It helped me come to terms with my feelings and frustrations, and recognize that I really was 'normal' after all...." Read more

3 customers mention "Heartbreaking"3 positive0 negative

Customers find the book heartbreaking, with one mentioning its emotional impact.

"...the opposite: it teaches you about the conditions, social & emotional ramifications, and then skills on how to deal with it, plus information on..." Read more

"...The examples are real and heart touching, after completing the book I have a true understanding of all the fear, confusion and shame that..." Read more

"Couldn't put it down. Helpful and heartbreaking all at once." Read more

Top reviews from the United States

  • Jenna
    5.0 out of 5 stars Encouraging and Exactly What I Needed to Hear/Read
    Reviewed in the United States on June 9, 2013
    Verified Purchase
    This was an incredibly encouraging read for me. Currently in our 20th month trying to conceive and having gone through treatments, heartbreak, frustration, anger, etc., this book was so refreshing.

    I've read a couple other books about Infertility, but none of them really delve into the real emotion of the experience and how to cope. This book having been written by three psychologists who all went through infertility, they get into the nitty gritty of why you feel what you feel and that it's OK.

    The chapter about grieving the loss of what you always dreamed your "Reproductive Story" would be had me crying. Anyone trying to conceive has this image built up about how it's all going to fall into place, and when it doesn't, that dream needs to be grieved. This chapter was especially hard for me but so rewarding at the same time.

    The last paragraph of the book has what I think is the best description of how this book was written. They say, "Whether you are still involved in treatment, have become a parent through alternate means, or have decided to remain childfree, your infertility trauma will become but one strand in the fabric of your reproductive life. As you continue to live and rewrite your story in the times to come, we hope you will find peace."

    Wonderfully encouraging book. I will definitely recommend this book to any and everyone I know going through Infertility.
    7 people found this helpful
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  • Kasey
    5.0 out of 5 stars Gold standard, must read book on infertility!
    Reviewed in the United States on October 14, 2015
    Verified Purchase
    To me, this book is a gold-standard, must-read for anyone experiencing infertility or who have friends/family experiencing it. It gave me so much more insight into a condition I thought I understood and also offered simple explanations to very complex emotions and concepts that were very eye opening to me. I read the book and then my mom also read it, so we were able to have a more informed & supportive conversation around a difficult issue. Most infertility-related websites devolve into anxious conversations of acronyms around treatment options rather than educating or supporting you or teaching you how to find peace. This book is different and INVALUABLE because it's just the opposite: it teaches you about the conditions, social & emotional ramifications, and then skills on how to deal with it, plus information on treatment options. I'm eternally grateful for this book and would recommend it to anyone.
    9 people found this helpful
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  • D. Aune
    4.0 out of 5 stars Exactly what you want to hear
    Reviewed in the United States on November 4, 2009
    Verified Purchase
    I have been TTC for over two years and although I haven't experienced ALL the emotions - I have experienced the emotional roller coaster. This book really helped me understand those feelings as well as feelings I have yet felt. It also helps you to understand YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!
    I've now started When Empty Arms Become a heavy Burden - and looking forward to continuing my "healing" through this difficult time called INFERTILITY! Remember - God is never EARLY and He is never LATE!!!
    One person found this helpful
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  • Amanda
    5.0 out of 5 stars This book helped bring me closure...
    Reviewed in the United States on October 8, 2010
    Verified Purchase
    My husband and I struggled with IF for almost 6 years. The authors of this book were at an adoption conference a few years back; they were there to help attorneys understand just where adoptive couples were coming from in terms of emotions from infertility, etc.. My father was one of those attorneys in attendance, and he gave us this book as a gift. If I could, I would give it to every.single.person. that I meet. It helped me come to terms with my feelings and frustrations, and recognize that I really was 'normal' after all. I was especially appreciative of my family members who took the time to read it as well - I actually received apologies (for things they had said to us)from them!
    I currently teach a class to prospective adoptive parents, and I always recommend this book to those couples that seem to be struggling the most. I've even just had to purchase my third copy to replace the other two that haven't been returned! Thank you for such a phenominal book!
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Joi Braswell
    5.0 out of 5 stars This book saved my life.
    Reviewed in the United States on August 5, 2013
    Verified Purchase
    I never write reviews but the impact this book has had on my marriage and our battle with infertility was worth sharing. I had reached a point of repeated disappointment and lost all hope. This book helped me to understand what I was feeling, that others felt the same way too and to ask myself and my husband some very difficult questions. The writers speak from experience (they all had infertility) and really understand what you are going through. The examples are real and heart touching, after completing the book I have a true understanding of all the fear, confusion and shame that infertility can bring, how to cope with it and newly restored hope of having a child.
    3 people found this helpful
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  • Diana Kay Estill
    5.0 out of 5 stars Unsung lullabies
    Reviewed in the United States on October 24, 2011
    Verified Purchase
    The book was wonderful in that it helps those going through fertility problems to know they are not alone and that their feelings are normal. Our daughter and son-in-law have been through it all and are now starting the adoption process. They read the book and asked me to read it also. I could only read one chapter at a time because of the sadness I felt for those in the book as well as relating it all to my daughter. The last chapter was very uplifting however, and is what keeps our daughter going. "It will happen. You will have a baby"!"
    2 people found this helpful
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  • Emily
    5.0 out of 5 stars Everything is normal
    Reviewed in the United States on December 30, 2014
    Verified Purchase
    I love how this was written from a psychology perspective. This book contains a lot of truths and good points I'd never really thought about before, such as your reproductive story, your expectations and how they differ. I felt like my feelings were validated, and there's a freedom in accepting yourself and allowing yourself to feel emotions, even the ones that you feel guilty about. Anger, depression, jealousy, etc... they're all normal. I highly recommend this book, I have read several books on infertility and I am sure I will refer to this book in the future, as it covers the entire journey.
    6 people found this helpful
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  • B. M. Nom
    1.0 out of 5 stars Didnt enjoy it
    Reviewed in the United States on April 2, 2010
    Verified Purchase
    Just wasnt the right book for me I needed insight and help about moving forward with life being child free now after deciding I cant go through more IVF and it wasnt the right book for me skipped over it didnt hold my interest at all.
    7 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

  • katie lee
    4.0 out of 5 stars A good introduction to thinking about your infertility
    Reviewed in the United Kingdom on August 31, 2013
    Verified Purchase
    This book covers many aspects in overview. It offers some simple strategies. A good book to have along your journey.
    Report