In The Myth of the Spoiled Child, Alfie Kohn examines the motives, values and beliefs underlying the conventional wisdom—espoused on both the political left and right—about raising children. Unlike many parenting books that attack straw men, the ideas Kohn argues against are central tenets on child rearing that any parent will recognize. He presents arguments and evidence in favor of the conventional wisdom, including direct quotes from some of the many experts who proffer it, such as certain prominent psychologists. He then analyzes what would have to be true for such conventional parenting wisdom to be logical and accurate, and weighs what research says about its validity. He also shows why, for all too many adults, its validity is beside the point.
Kohn’s the rare author who breaks down real-life arguments into their components and doesn't just cite but, rather, pores over the original research pertaining to each of them. He dissects several important studies whose so-called results get thrown around quite often in parenting books and articles—e.g., the marshmallow experiments, research on narcissism in young people, studies on children’s self-esteem and the importance of grit—and surprises us with what the research actually shows (and, at times, the disparity between how the authors of the studies interpreted their results versus how others typically report them).
It’s all too rare that an author walks readers through such conceptual and research heavy lifting that they come away with new understandings about topics with which they thought themselves already familiar. Kohn has done a tremendous service for us parents and our children by writing such a book. That he does so in a way that is both enjoyable to read and at times evokes a chuckle with its incisive wit is all the more valuable an accomplishment! I’d say that even exhausted parents whose intellectual life at home extends no further than reading for 20 minutes before bedtime will benefit from, and have no problem absorbing, this book’s clearly presented ideas and evidence.
Whether you’re liberal or conservative, traditional or progressive, well-read about parenting and developmental psychology or generally too busy parenting in real life to read many books about it, The Myth of the Spoiled Child will get you thinking whether the parenting beliefs and practices you apply every day are leading where you really want to go. Even if you already consider yourself relatively well-informed, self-reflective and evolved as a parent, this book is almost sure to challenge you in the best ways. As Kohn shows so powerfully, some of the basic tenets we all take as parenting common sense are unlikely to truly meet our long-term goals or lead to a better world for our children, both now and as adults.
I can count the number of parenting books I’ve considered life-changing on one hand. The Myth of the Spoiled is one of them, up there with the classic How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. I cannot think of a higher compliment than that.
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Top reviews from other countries
Nathalia Ferreira
O livro é bom, mas sumiu do meu dispositivo e só aparece para comprar outra vez.
Reviewed in Brazil on December 6, 2021
Amazon Customer
Insightful, thorough and enlightening
Reviewed in Australia on September 11, 2022Penny Willis
Great to find a sane voice.
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 6, 2016