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Speaking of the dead Paperback – Large Print, November 8, 2018

by Chelsea L Tolman (Author)
4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 131 ratings
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In most Western and Westernized cultures, the reality of death is a subject that we avoid because it makes us uncomfortable. Even participants in religions that celebrate death as a release to a paradisiacal realm will avoid talking about or facing the death experience, unless it’s through the lens of their religious beliefs. The rest of us tap dance around the subject, enjoying death-related fiction involving vampires, zombies, and serial killers, while we recoil in mind-numbing horror at the thought of being in the same room with a corpse. Chelsea Tolman is a funeral director, mortician, and embalmer with over 15 years experience. In her book, “Speaking of the Dead”, she attempts to provide the balm that allows us to engage in the real world of death’s circumstances and give us a peek behind the curtain at what it’s like to be a professional in the death industry.This book is a collection of Chelsea’s recounted stories that illustrate the unique perspective of being a professional in the death industry. She covers a wide range of emotions and circumstances from light hilarity to deep sadness and grief. She does well in not taking herself too seriously and is quick to share stories where she laughs about her own foibles and mistakes. Chelsea also takes the time to celebrate the diversity of cultures, describing in intimate detail the way some religions and nationalities treat their dead. All get equal respect, including the careful corpse wrappings of the Bha’i, the pronated wailing women of the Far East, the colorful dancers of Africa, suicides, and drug overdoses. She expertly weaves these stories of culture in with the experience of grief and loss to reveal how we all share the basic human essence of missing our dead.Finally, “Speaking of the Dead” serves as Chelsea’s heartfelt attempt to show to the world that the experience of caring for one’s dead is one that should be embraced and cherished, rather than avoided and feared as it largely is at present. She details the loving care she gives to the bodies and how she encourages the loved ones to participate and catalyze their own progress at closure. The tenderness she shows in wrapping infants in blankets, smoothing an old man’s hair, or applying a young woman’s make-up invites you to step over the gap from macabre avoidance to emotional acceptance and understand that death is simply another part of the human experience that we should all embrace.
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Previous page
  1. Print length
    234 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publication date
    November 8, 2018
  4. Dimensions
    6 x 0.59 x 9 inches
  5. ISBN-10
    1732948410
  6. ISBN-13
    978-1732948419
  7. See all details
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Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ 9781732948419 (November 8, 2018)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 234 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1732948410
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1732948419
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 12.3 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.59 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 131 ratings

About the author

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Chelsea L. Tolman

Chelsea L. Tolman

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I am a professional mortician with 15 years experience based in Salt Lake City, Utah. I am now contracting with mortuaries as a consultant, advising them on ways to redefine the industry’s traditional methods of caring for the dead and their families. You can learn more about me at www.ChelseaTolman.com. There you can find my blog, as well as links to my interviews on various podcasts, radio shows, and TV. Join my mailing list by sending an email to mbalmergirl@gmail.com.

When I first meet people, and the question comes up, “So what do you do?” there is always an odd mix of fascination and morbid curiosity as my new friends try to wrap their minds around the fact that I seem “so normal” yet, at the same time they try to picture me handling dead bodies. And even that is so unsettling that the conversation usually proceeds in one of two ways – either ending abruptly in awkward silence while they picture me looming over the dead like some kind of grim reaper, or eager curiosity as they realize for the first time that they can ask me anything they want about the normally taboo subjects of death, dying, cadavers, and the grim silence that one can only find hanging in a room filled with the dead.

Eventually, someone will ask, “Why do you do it?” This is truly my passion, my heart and soul are ingrained in preparing the dead with respect and honoring them through the loved ones left behind. The slippery slope of handling the strongest of emotions at the worst of times, makes me proud of my strength and ability to help you through such a terrible time. Ever since I first spoke with a funeral director and learned about the details of his job, I knew it was my calling. I love everything, from preparing the bodies of your loved ones, to helping you plan the services, to running the services, and then helping you find a pathway forward. I’m very well aware that my job requires me to do things that most people would find abhorrent, but I still can’t imagine doing any other job and enjoying it as much as this.

I recently married the greatest guy and starting meeting and coming to love his friends and family. As each meet up with these people frequently turned to conversations about my job experiences, I realized that some people do crave the information I have to share. So here I am, writing this blog, creating this website, and sharing my innermost thoughts, secrets, and most treasured experiences with you. If you feel touched, moved, offended, or angered by what I write, please let me know in the comments. I want to know how my world and writing have affected you.

Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
131 global ratings
A look at a funeral director's diary
5 Stars
A look at a funeral director's diary
As a funeral director, I appreciated how Chelsea took me back to many of my own first moments within the business. It is a simplistic and touching journal through her path as a funeral director. Wonderful book!
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Top reviews from the United States

Desiree A Lococo
5.0 out of 5 stars Read it in one day
Reviewed in the United States on February 20, 2023
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Great book for those curious about this career of service to families in times of need. Thoughtful. Highly recommend it.
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Terri Mcghee
4.0 out of 5 stars Overall, good book!
Reviewed in the United States on March 19, 2019
Verified Purchase
Very well written, she is a fantastic writer! The only read why I didn’t give the book 5 stars is because I was expecting a little more gritty detail about the inner workings of funeral homes and the death industry. I feel like she played it a little too safe, in trying to be respectful of the deceased.
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Kristy Knecht
5.0 out of 5 stars Such a balm to the soul of those that have lost someone - so everyone!
Reviewed in the United States on March 7, 2019
Verified Purchase
Just read, actually devoured, your book! After losing my mama, a neighbor shared a portion of your book from Page 41 from the You don't know what you don't know section. I'm a quilter and the analogy of frayed fabric and careful stitching necessary to put things back into place spoke to my bruised heart! I immediately ordered Chelsea's book and finished it in two days. It was so healing to read about the care and love, and sometimes, humor you serve the dead with! Thank you so much for sharing! You are a gift!
2 people found this helpful
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Jeffrey L Mastin
5.0 out of 5 stars A fascinating, easy read
Reviewed in the United States on December 2, 2018
Verified Purchase
Ms. Holman shares some of that place in the world we might tacitly think about but don’t really want to know about. Her series of short stories gleaned from her years of experience as a funeral director and mortician is an easy read that is at times humorous and at times sad. Each story is written with respect and from the heart. I highly recommend an exploration of Ms Holman’s work that will change your image of morticians forever.
One person found this helpful
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jacknox@earthlink.net
3.0 out of 5 stars Very Good Book Needed a Good Editor
Reviewed in the United States on July 23, 2019
Verified Purchase
The author had an excellent story to tell but her spelling goofs, missing words and general sloppiness in some sections cried out for an editor to polish the author's work. I found the errors so annoying that I gave up about two-thirds of the way through the book. What puzzled me was that some sections were flawless while others were riddled with careless mistakes. Too bad; those errors messed up what could have been a first-rate book.
5 people found this helpful
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P. Hagan
5.0 out of 5 stars Tasteful stories of a senstive trade
Reviewed in the United States on October 13, 2019
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The author did a very good job of telling her stories about her life in the funeral industry. Without delving into the gruesome and unpleasant aspects, she related her experiences while displaying respect for the deceased, as well as families of the deceased. She is able to talk of the sadness at times with humor, but always with dignity. A job well done by this young lady.
One person found this helpful
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Kari O'Connell
4.0 out of 5 stars Good Death Positive Read!
Reviewed in the United States on November 18, 2019
"Speaking of The Dead" is a short collection of stories from the funeral director who experienced them. Reading this book was like listening to Chelsea tell you the stories in person. Her style of writing has a lot of character and heart to it, it truly feels like you are just listening to a friend tell you about their day at work. Some of the stories were very emotional and caused my to shed a few tears, and some had a bit of humor. Which is par for the subject of Death itself, there is sadness, humor, and humility. The author went to great lengths to make sure her stories of her experiences with the families she served were compassionate and respectful. This was an easy book to read, it was enjoyable from beginning to end. My only complaint is that it wasn't edited very well, there were many grammatical errors. It did not take away from the the stories themselves, but it is a shame that this wonderful book had any errors at all.

If you are a fan of the Death Positive movement and enjoy the subject matter, I would recommend this book to you. Death is never easy, but to read the perspective of the people proving the care to the grief stricken family members they serve, is refreshing and heartwarming. It takes a very special person to be in the funeral business, you are helping people in their most vulnerable of times. I hope read more books from Chelsea Tolman in the future!
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Kathy
5.0 out of 5 stars What a fascinating read!
Reviewed in the United States on January 17, 2021
Verified Purchase
This was a great book! I shared real honest experiences of a Funeral Director, in a sensitive and true way. You feel like you’re experiencing the stories of a friend. (I also just heard Ms Tolman on a Podcast and she sounds delightful!)
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Top reviews from other countries

Ali
5.0 out of 5 stars Excellent read
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 3, 2023
Verified Purchase
I loved this book. It was sad yet funny. To get an insight into this work was amazing and something that has fascinated me.

The book was well written and I could not stop reading it.
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Anita K
3.0 out of 5 stars A detailed account of American funeral practices - spoiler alert for content
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on July 27, 2023
Verified Purchase
This book is clearly the result of deep personal experience and empathy for the grieving. The author does not seek to sensationalise or depersonalise the funeral practices and reactions of those left behind so in that respect a great read with no padding or repetition of topics. Each chapter covers a discrete subject and neatly boxes them in short punchy anecdotes or experiences which is a style I really enjoy.

Unfortunately the extremely poor writing style and lack of attention to spelling, tense, person and choice of synonym detracts from the content constantly. Flipping between present tense first person the past tense third person sometimes in the same sentence let-alone the same paragraph, especially in the beginning chapters of the book. I rarely find first person, especially present tense accounts satisfying, even in action packed thrillers so maybe it is my predisposition to dislike this particular writing style that made it feel so jarring.

This book does deal with the topics of suicide, child death, loneliness, living with long-term frailty etc with great sensitivity. I found two chapters on the authors experience with restless spirits quite disturbing (even as a confirmed atheist and not a believer in supernatural events as a rule) especially struggling to get the chapter on the ‘Angry Man’ out of my head to sleep. If you are of a sensitive nature it might be best to avoid that chapter altogether.
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