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Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents: Practical Tools to Establish Boundaries and Reclaim Your Emotional Autonomy Paperback – May 1, 2019

4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 2,042 ratings

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In this important sequel to Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, author Lindsay Gibson offers powerful tools to help you step back and protect yourself at the first sign of an emotional takeover, make sure your emotions and needs are respected, and break free from the coercive control of emotionally immature parents.

Growing up with emotionally immature (EI) parents can leave you feeling lonely and neglected. You may have trouble setting limits and expressing your feelings. And you may even be more susceptible to other emotionally immature people as you establish adult relationships. In addition, as your parents become older, they may still treat your emotions with mockery and contempt, be dismissive and discounting of your reality, and try to control and diminish your sense of emotional autonomy and freedom of thought. In short, EIs can be self-absorbed, inconsistent, and contradictory. So, how can you recover from their toxic behavior?

Drawing on the success of her popular self-help book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, author Lindsay Gibson offers yet another essential resource. With this follow-up guide, you’ll learn practical skills to help you recognize the signs of an EI, protect yourself against an emotional takeover, reconnect with your own emotions and needs, and gain emotional autonomy in all your relationships. This is a how-to book, with doable exercises and active tips and suggestions for what to say and do to increase emotional autonomy and self-awareness.

If you’re ready to stop putting your own needs last, clear the clutter of self-doubt, and move beyond the fear of judgment and punishment that’s been instilled in you by emotionally immature parents, this book will help you find the freedom to finally live your life your way.

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Editorial Reviews

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“This excellent book offers a practical, concise understanding of how emotionally immature (EI) parents impact your feelings, thoughts, and behavior. With specific examples and exercises, you can learn how to express yourself and reduce fear and self-doubt to reclaim your right to your own emotional health and well-being. The depth of Gibson’s therapeutic skills, sound psychological principles, and practical tools make this a must-read for anyone whose life has been challenged by the emotional immaturity of others. A valuable resource for the general public as well as professionals!”
Louise B. Lubin, PhD, licensed clinical psychologist, and retired community faculty at Eastern Virginia Medical School

“Most everyone emerges from their childhood with a few emotional scars, anxieties, or insecurities. However, many children sustain serious emotional wounds when they have been raised by insensitive, self-absorbed, and controlling parents. Young children or adolescents in these situations can’t see the big picture, are powerless to fight back, and often blame themselves for their predicament—locking in their emotional wounds for a lifetime.

Fortunately, the brilliance of Gibson’s book sheds the light of understanding and provides the keys to healing for countless recovering individuals. This book is readable, relevant, grounded in solid science, and yet so accessible to the person searching for answers and healing from their wounds. It is a must-read for every student of human behavior and every mental health professional.”
Dan W. Briddell, PhD, licensed and board-certified clinical psychologist with over forty years of clinical practice experience, and author of The Love Bug and Other Tales of Psychotherapy

“In her newest book, Lindsay Gibson provides a beautifully written, easy-to-understand guidebook for all those who have had to struggle with being raised by EI parents. Gibson takes the reader through a straightforward, step-by-step approach, defining and explaining what EI parents look like, and how their conscious and unconscious behaviors have powerful and lasting effects on their children.

Using case studies, interactive written exercises, and a comprehensive Bill of Rights, Gibson empowers those who have been raised by EI parents to fully reclaim their authentic selves.”
Kenneth A. Siegel, PhD, clinical psychologist with over forty years of experience

Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents is a must-read for any adult who has ever struggled with a parental relationship, as well as therapists who expect to skillfully guide clients toward creating their own best lives. Reading Lindsay Gibson’s masterful book is like spending time under the care of a gifted, grounded, and compassionate psychologist. It will broaden every reader’s self-concept and strengthen his or her self-confidence. Beginning to end, it is filled with brilliant translations and applications of therapeutic concepts to the world of real, lived experiences.”
Gretchen LeFever Watson, PhD, clinical psychologist, professor at Ross University School of Medicine, and author of Your Patient Safety Survival Guide

“What a gift! After spending forty years talking with clients about the issues and solutions Lindsay Gibson addresses in this extraordinary book, finally there’s one highly readable resource that provides a complete, in-depth look at what every client needs to know. Clear and concise explanations alongside extremely helpful exercises make this book an absolute must-read for the multitudes that experience the challenge of EI parents. Not just a book for the children of EI parents, but a fantastic one-stop resource for anyone dealing with a core set of problems we all actually struggle with in the majority of our adult relationships.”
David Gordon, PhD, clinical psychologist in private practice in Norfolk, VA; author of Mindful Dreaming; and founder of the Dreamwork Institute

“This book is a gift for those who have grown up with an EI parent. Gibson gets it— and she will help you feel seen and known in a way that you likely never felt with your parent. You’ll be able to put words to your pain, so you can understand it, work through it, and, ultimately, separate from it as you work toward building relationships with yourself and others that will be more emotionally fulfilling. It is clear how much she genuinely cares for her clients and readers, and wants to support them in their journey.”
Kathy Nguyen Li, PsyD, licensed psychologist, and owner of Sage Counseling, PLLC, in Washington, D.C.

“For those who have lived their lives in the shadow of their EI parent’s pain—Gibson teaches, with clarity and comfort, that who you are today is quite different from who and what you were taught to believe. She gives you permission to leave your parent’s issues with them— to free yourself of ownership of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Gibson has offered a gift! Embrace it and look to your new future with peace and the power of the true you!”
Pamela Brewer, MSW, PhD, LCSW-C, psychotherapist; host of MyNDTALK with Dr. Pamela Brewer, a daily relationship and mental health podcast/broadcast

“A rare book that goes beyond self-help and provides true therapy. Gibson’s presence is felt throughout, breaking through the reader’s emotional isolation and providing gentle, concrete guidance through a daunting journey. An intelligent and generous work.”
Laurie Helgoe, PhD, author of Introvert Power and Fragile Bully

Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents is a true gift to readers who have difficulty acknowledging the legitimacy of their needs and feelings because their EI parents unconsciously placed their own needs front and center during the readers’ formative years. Clearly formulated and chock-full of useful case illustrations and written exercises, this book vividly conveys the dynamics that leave children burdened by emotional imperatives not their own. By helping readers experience the compassion their parents couldn’t convey, Gibson guides the reader to a treasure trove: the long-awaited experience of autonomy, authenticity, and vitality!”
Sarah Y. Krakauer, PsyD, author of Treating Dissociative Identity Disorder

“Lindsay Gibson has again written a valuable book in
Recovering from Emotionally Immature Parents, with extensive wisdom, thoughts, and tools for searching one’s inner experiences, self-talk, and feelings from growing up with EI parents. This book is a resource for both individuals on a personal journey and therapists, in the human quest to heal life’s wounds and grow into a more joyful and fulfilled life. Gibson’s compassionate guidance is well researched with individual stories to enhance our understanding. She closes with a Bill of Rights for Adult Children of EI parents that is helpful for anyone in conflicted relationships.”
Mary Ann Kearley, CNS, LPC, clinical nurse specialist in mental health, and licensed professional counselor in private practice in Chesapeake, VA

About the Author

Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice who specializes in individual psychotherapy with adult children of emotionally immature (EI) parents. She is author of Who You Were Meant to Be, and writes a monthly column on well-being for Tidewater Women magazine. In the past, she has served as adjunct assistant professor of graduate psychology at the College of William and Mary, as well as at Old Dominion University. Gibson lives and practices in Virginia Beach, VA.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ New Harbinger Publications; 1st edition (May 1, 2019)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Paperback ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 1684032520
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1684032525
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 2.31 pounds
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6 x 0.48 x 9 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.8 4.8 out of 5 stars 2,042 ratings

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Lindsay C. Gibson
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Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist in private practice who specializes in individual psychotherapy with adult children of emotionally immature parents. She is author of Who You Were Meant to Be and writes a monthly column on well-being for Tidewater Women magazine. In the past she has served as an adjunct assistant professor of graduate psychology for the College of William and Mary, as well as for Old Dominion University. Gibson lives and practices in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

Customer reviews

4.8 out of 5 stars
4.8 out of 5
2,042 global ratings
Tools to handle emotionally immature people
5 Stars
Tools to handle emotionally immature people
Very helpful book; first one as well. This book helped me understand why, what, and how to over come my childhood trauma. Additionally, it has helped me stay firm in a highly charged corporate environment. I didn't agree with everything, but there are more rewarding tools and lessons to get from this book than not.
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Top reviews from the United States

Reviewed in the United States on March 24, 2024
I'm finding this book helpful, the author gives real-life stories and examples of what an EI parent is, plus concrete actions to take when you are in a conversation with and EI person.
Reviewed in the United States on March 2, 2024
Bit exhaustive part about EI parents for those who read first book but great final chapters with practical recommendations about different approaches that can be tried
One person found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on January 5, 2024
For any of you who come from narcissistic parents or maybe you suspect that something is off with them, this is the book for you. Lots of helpful tips and personal stories from adult children who are now in therapy. There is definitely a sense of validation that you will gain from reading this. Whether it's your parents, siblings, spouses, or coworkers who appear to be emotionally immature or narcissistic, this book will help you better understand them and yourself. I have read other books by the author and they are also quite helpful. I would absolutely recommend this book if you are trying to do the work and go through the healing process.
7 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on September 21, 2019
[Disclosure: I’d known Dr. Gibson for twenty years before I retired to Texas in 2013. In Virginia, I used her monthly Tidewater Women column as a class handout. I love her clear writing and have purchased every book she has written.
When I congratulated the author via email on her third book, she asked if I would review it despite my having no psychology training.]

First, Dr. Gibson uses almost no jargon except for:
• EI (emotionally immature)
• EIP (emotionally immature person)
• EIRS (emotionally immature relationship system)

Second, she wrote this book for 1) the adult survivors of EI parents and for 2) everyone who encounters EIPs. EIPs are your family or societal self-centered, emotional bullies.

I view relationships as having primal and rational parts, i.e., gut and thoughtful pieces. EIPs are self-serving primal (instinctive) beings. Their actions are dominating and hurtful, and they cause others to blame themselves for such bad treatment. Or as the author says, “Because EIPs insist on dominating and being the center of importance, they don’t leave room or resources for others to be fully themselves.”

Dr. Gibson wrote this book to give the abused person 1) an understanding of EIPs and 2) ideas how to a) improve their own lives and b) reduce the EIP’s negative impact.

On the first goal, the author writes, “My aim… is to give you a language for everything that goes on in EI relationships, both what happens between you and them, and what happens inside yourself as you try to cope with them. Once you can name it, you can deal with it.”

Part I (Chapters 1-6) covers the messy and illogical nature of EIPs. The author avoids psychological talk but shows how multi-faceted EIP behavior is. Dr. Gibson repeatedly says it is not your fault you were born into or found yourself dealing with an EIP.

Although I never had EI parents, I’ve had my difficulties with EIPs. Dr. Gibson’s Part II (Chapters 7-10), therefore, was worth the book’s price. She says, “Your ultimate recovery goal is to build a loyal, committed relationship to your own inner self and well-being. You’ll also learn how to transform your EI relationship into the best it can be (my emphasis), without sacrificing your integrity or blaming them.”

In other words, the situation can’t be fixed, but it can be improved for yourself and with the EIP. There are no miracle cures, but instead; slow recovery. If the EIP is your mother, father, boss, or another person you need to deal with, the author’s suggestions are helpful. Remember, standard relationship rules and logic don’t work with EIPs.

If you are the adult child of an EI parent, then the author also provides journaling activities for you to assess where you are now, what boundaries you need to set, and how to evaluate the new results you get. Working with EIPs, if they are family or otherwise, can be a lifelong journey. Dr. Gibson understands this unfortunate fact and has fashioned a book to improve your life!
92 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on November 9, 2022
There are a lot of self-help books out there about narcissistic parents/people, how to heal from abuse, etc. There are also technical books about such people, mostly written for psychotherapists. The truth is: you don't really need to diagnose your bully or abuser to get out from under them. It can be very confusing to figure out whether your mother was just a narcissist, or also a borderline. You can waste a lot of time that way.

This book cuts through all the confusion and just calls them "emotionally immature" people. This seems like a rather large, vague term. But the author's understanding of how EIPs confuse, undermine, and dominate other people is wide-ranging and fine-grained. She also has very specific suggestions about how to disarm them that go beyond vague exhortations to "set boundaries." As anybody knows who has dealt with abusers, setting boundaries works temporarily, until they figure out a sneakier way to violate your boundaries. Gibson even recommends actually getting mad at people as long as you do it in a non-abusive way, which is definitely possible.

She also cautions people that cut-offs are not your first choice, because you may come to regret such a decision. I think that's correct.

The main value of this book is that it teaches you to recover a sense of your own dignity and worth that is very resilient in the face of the relentless attacks that EIPs launch. In the end we can't do much to stop abusers from trying to abuse. If you can't get away from them, at least you can shore up your own defenses against their desire to tear you down and destroy you.
58 people found this helpful
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Reviewed in the United States on April 11, 2023
You may be on fire after reading 'Adult Children of EIP'. But DON'T get 'Self Care' after that.. the title is misleading! That book is actually a wandering collection of 'thoughts' broken up in a way that isn't useful. However, THIS book has more useful techniques you can actually practice in real life situations, and keeps the basic thread throughout. This book hammers the point home if your mind wasn't blown by the first book. You may want to stop buying books for validation, and just journal & practice after getting these two books.. the subject is rich, and is also making authors rich. But these two books are invaluable. I recommend this book right after ACEIP for some good situational action prescriptions.
67 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

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Karina
5.0 out of 5 stars mind blowing
Reviewed in Canada on January 7, 2024
I wish I would’ve read this 20 years ago! But I’m happy I now have the tools to deal with emotionally immature people around me. The author explains things so well and the tools are easily to implement.
One person found this helpful
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Border Collie Girl
5.0 out of 5 stars Brilliant book!
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on March 31, 2024
Explains why narcissists are the way they are...
Immature!
One person found this helpful
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copihue_22
5.0 out of 5 stars great book, very helpful
Reviewed in Germany on March 11, 2024
The follow-up to "Emotionally immature parents" by this author. I wholly recommend both books
Nikita Agrawal
5.0 out of 5 stars Worth reading
Reviewed in India on January 14, 2024
As someone who had difficult childhood, I found this book helpful and insightful.
mariangela
5.0 out of 5 stars Molto interessante, illuminante e utile
Reviewed in Italy on September 30, 2021
Lo consiglio vivamente, libro veramente illuminante, utile e diretto.
Mi ha aiutata tantissimo ad avere maggiore consapevolezza della mia vita e a viverla a pieno.
2 people found this helpful
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