This books is an amazing book that is not expresses the ideas very crisp but also offers a completely different perspective to look at life. It cuts across other models of how mental health and human interaction works to show that maybe the underlying principle of how everything works is different.
The title suggests that the book is about developmental trauma. Yet it's not limited to people dealing with severe trauma. It provides insight in how most of us work and how our childhood affects our adult relationships.
The book identifies five different attachment styles: trust attachment, love/sexuality attachment, independence, etc. It suggests that during human development each attachment develops at a different point of growing up. For example at six months old, our connection with a parent is that they are holding us in their arms and looking at us. A couple years later, we may be developing trust with our parents. Can we trust them that our needs will be met.
If there are problems with one of the attachment styles, children will usually progress through a healthy range of calling attention to their needs - starting with "hey mommy, I'm hungry" to using healthy aggression. The concept of "health aggression" caught me eyes. The book is full of terms where simply hearing the term was a huge insight in and off itself. In this case, the idea that aggression can be healthy was intriguing. If that doesn't work, the child's sympathetic nervous system gets activated (fight/flight). If that doesn't work, the parasympathetic nervous system gets activated (e.g. shutting down).
Simply these ideas of the different nervous systems are a fascinating concept. The sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system can be triggered at the same time (stepping on the gas and break at the same time). That's for example, when we panic and try to suppress the panic.
The books proposed remedy is to pay attention to what we are feeling in our bodies because that's how we find out about our needs. In the ideal world that the book paints, we can freely express our needs in our relationships and (as adults) also deal with when people don't necessarily tend to our needs. (E.g., because I'm a hungry adult doesn't mean the other person has to feed me. They could be full and not interested in going to a restaurant with me. Yet, that I am aware of my hunger and can express it appropriately - without fear, panic or not at all -, that's the goal.)
Most people I know are functioning adults, yet I often find that what the book describes affects me. Often when I'm with people, I'm very focused on making sure that they feel entertained and comfortable. (That might be a good host's job.) Yet the book's idea is that I should scan my body to realize what's going on with me and express my needs, e.g. "I feel a bit bored, let's check out the other pool." The book shifted my thought of what a good relationship looks like: Both people should feel comfortable to express their needs and the other person responds to that. (And needs don't have to be monumental things like needing help to move, but a need for comfort at the end of a tiring hike, a need for play in a conversation that turned dry, etc.)
The book opens up many interesting topics. For example, it suggests that based on unmet childhood needs, people may develop pride. E.g., if they were ignored as a child, they may pride themselves as easy going. The book suggests that for each pride, there is usually an opposite shame. That example person may have shame around being too needy. That concept alone is very interesting. Now when I hear people making prideful statements, I wonder if there is an opposite shame in place as well. (The pride essentially is trying to make us feel good about a place where we are hurting.)
I've written many quotes from the book into my notebook. It was a real page turner because each page offered so many intriguing insights to how life works.
Enjoy fast, free delivery, exclusive deals, and award-winning movies & TV shows with Prime
Try Prime
and start saving today with fast, free delivery
Download the free Kindle app and start reading Kindle books instantly on your smartphone, tablet, or computer - no Kindle device required.
Read instantly on your browser with Kindle for Web.
Using your mobile phone camera - scan the code below and download the Kindle app.
Something went wrong. Please try your request again later.
Book recommendations, author interviews, editors' picks, and more. Read it now.
Frequently bought together
$14.29
Get it as soon as Friday, May 17
In Stock
Total price:
To see our price, add these items to your cart.
Choose items to buy together.
More items to explore
Page 1 of 1 Start overPage 1 of 1
About the author
Follow authors to get new release updates, plus improved recommendations.
Reviews with images
Do you like pseudoscience? Like sales literature disguised as training? You found your book!
If you're looking to diagnose your psychic patients who have sensitivity to electromagnetic waves, then you found your NARM (TM) solution! Find a NARM(TM) trained therapist to guide you out of your pain using this pseudo-scientific and heavily trademarked system. Just think, if Chuck from Better Call Saul had access to this book or therapists trained in this methodology, maybe he wouldn't have burned his house down after he could no longer tolerate the barrage of electromagnetic waves infiltrating his tinfoil hat.
Top reviews from other countries
Joseph Augustine
24K pure gold dust
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 6, 2019
Janet
Wow! What an eye opening read into trauma. Full of nuggets of wisdom.
Reviewed in Australia on March 21, 2021