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Surviving an Affair Hardcover – July 1, 2013

4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 404 ratings
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Infidelity is common, occurring in over half of all marriages. And it is one of life's most painful experiences for everyone involved--the betrayed spouse, the children, the extended family members, and even the lover and wayward spouse. With all that sadness, why do people have affairs? And once trust is broken, how can a couple reconcile?

In Surviving an Affair, Drs. Harley and Chalmers describe the most common types of affairs, the reasons they begin and end, the best way to end them, and the best way to restore a marriage after an affair. But most importantly, they help readers survive the ordeal by providing them with step-by-step guidance that minimizes suffering and offers hope for rebuilding a loving and trusting marital relationship.
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Previous page
  1. Print length
    224 pages
  2. Language
    English
  3. Publisher
    Revell
  4. Publication date
    July 1, 2013
  5. Dimensions
    6.5 x 0.79 x 9.29 inches
  6. ISBN-10
    0800719549
  7. ISBN-13
    978-0800719548
  8. See all details
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Editorial Reviews

From the Inside Flap

If you are a victim of infidelity, you are on the emotional roller coaster ride of your life.

Drs. Harley and Chalmers know what they're talking about. Almost every day they hear from grieving spouses who say, Please help me. I have just discovered that my spouse is having an affair and I don't know what to do.

In Surviving an Affair, they provide answers to those who find themselves caught in this common tragedy. From the moment an affair is first suspected all the way to full marital recovery, they provide a thorough analysis of the problem with step-by-step proven solutions.

Surviving an Affair will do more than help you and your spouse survive the crisis of infidelity--it will show you how to minimize your suffering and emerge from this tragedy with your trust and love for each other restored.

From the Back Cover

How can a marriage survive an affair?

Infidelity is one of life's most painful experiences for everyone involved--the betrayed spouse, the children, the extended family members, and even the lover and the wayward spouse. Once trust is broken, how can a couple ever hope to reconcile?

In Surviving an Affair, Drs. Harley and Chalmers help you understand every aspect of infidelity--from the beginning of an affair through the restoration of the marriage, including

· why affairs begin and end
· how to end an affair
· how to restore the marriage
· how to manage resentment and rebuild trust

Surviving an Affair guides you step-by-step from the devastating blow of infidelity to a loving and trusting marriage.

Product details

  • Publisher ‏ : ‎ Revell; Revised edition (July 1, 2013)
  • Language ‏ : ‎ English
  • Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 224 pages
  • ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0800719549
  • ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0800719548
  • Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 14.2 ounces
  • Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 6.5 x 0.79 x 9.29 inches
  • Customer Reviews:
    4.5 4.5 out of 5 stars 404 ratings

About the authors

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  1. Willard F. Harley

    Willard F. Harley

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    Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

    Dr. Willard F. Harley, Jr. is a nationally acclaimed clinical psychologist, a marriage counselor, and the bestselling author of numerous books, including His Needs, Her Needs; Five Steps to Romantic Love; Surviving an Affair; Draw Close; and He Wins, She Wins. Harley's much-loved book, His Needs, Her Needs, is also available with a video curriculum for churches and small groups. His popular website, www.marriagebuilders.com, offers practical solutions to almost any marital problem.

    See more on the author's page
  2. Jennifer Harley Chalmers

    Jennifer Harley Chalmers

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    Full content visible, double tap to read brief content.

    Discover more of the author’s books, see similar authors, read author blogs and more

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Customer reviews

4.5 out of 5 stars
4.5 out of 5
404 global ratings
reading books by Swindle and other great men of God and family experts
1 Star
reading books by Swindle and other great men of God and family experts
This drivel solidly places all the blame on the cheating spouse. Most people don't just to one day decide to cheat on their spouses. We went through years where I was meeting her needs, reading books by Swindle and other great men of God and family experts. Their advice on meeting your spouse's needs and verbalize your own were ignored for years before I made my decision to have an affair. This book placed the fault at my feet without trying to deal with what brought us to that point. We are still together, thank God. But I took my copy of the book to a secluded place and put every round from two handguns through it. It is a piece of crap. I ran in to our counselor who led us through the sessions with this book. He looked at me as if I was still responsible for all the problems in our marriage. I was wrong in having an affair. Very wrong. The right choice would have been divorce.
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Top reviews from the United States

Alex
5.0 out of 5 stars Worth every penny!
Reviewed in the United States on January 8, 2013
Verified Purchase
Harley's approach and insight is top notch. As a physician myself I'm pretty skeptical of "self help" books and counseling in general. My wife and I have had all the usual trials in a long marriage and this past year friends of ours recommended Dr. Harley's book "His Needs, Her Needs." I can frankly say it was instrumental in saving our relationship. We have made a commitment to read it out loud together every Thanksgiving. Surviving an Affair is a more targeted subject matter with some necessary overlap to HNHN. In my personal and professional opinion his book should be read by all couples to gain better insight of their relationship needs. Harley is admittedly a devout Christian but if that isn't your orientation don't fear. This isn't a "God will solve all" approach that is common in this genre. Harley's approach is quite frank and perhaps even raw. At times I was a little uncomfortable reading it with my wife and her reaction was the same. We are better for getting through the discomfort though and understand each other and ourselves better.
3 people found this helpful
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Ilena
5.0 out of 5 stars ... very helpful to survive and affair if you still love each other
Reviewed in the United States on February 9, 2015
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Very very helpful to survive and affair if you still love each other!.It may not make sense to a lot of people (including myself) who used to think 'how can a person have an affair if he loves someone?' but I learned the hard way that it's quite possible!.Don't make a major decision in the aftermath of a affair until you calm down, read books like this and think carefully. You may realize that it could have been a huge mistake, just like the affair itself. This was a good objective book to look at the whole picture from both sides and helped me to move on. Now we have a much better understanding and happier relationship than before. It's hard to believe considering that I could never imagine forgiving such a thing and we didn't even go to marriage counseling!.He realized his mistake and wanted to recommit and I realized life is sometimes full of surprises..
8 people found this helpful
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J Nixon
5.0 out of 5 stars best plan of reconciliation
Reviewed in the United States on June 2, 2013
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I chose this book due to the fact that there was a solid plan to work through the process of a)discovery of the affair, b)ending the affair and c)working through the problems that existed before the affair started. My story: I found out about the phone calls & texts and shared with my Significant Other that she was indeed cheating with an ex-girlfriend - emotionally. But... more was to be revealed. Turned out the full blown affair had been going on for close to a year. I had been cheated on before by other partners and would have never considered reconciling. Cheating has always been a non-negotiable in my mind. This book has truly shown what part I played and the only advice I would ever accept in reconciliation - no contact with the other woman. We are currently working on us and there has been no contact in over one month. I am still reading this book as well as another two to work on our relationship. With a willing Partner, I am able to work on us while not giving up on my life values. It can get better. Good Luck & Godspeed!
7 people found this helpful
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traveler147
4.0 out of 5 stars Good book
Reviewed in the United States on November 1, 2015
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I got this book on the advice of my therapist, who I went to see after my husband left me for another woman. It had been a few months and I was not coping well at all, and thought there is no coming back from this. I still love him but even if he came back to me, how could I ever trust him again? I even went to see a lawyer. Well, he moved back in just to get the house ready to sell and one thing led to another and now we are trying to work things out. This book has given me a lot of advice that is really common sense. I could of been a real horrible person and did some nasty things, but my thinking was that that would just strengthen his reasons for leaving. I wanted to be the best I could be so when it did not work out with her he would see that he made a horrible mistake. I never thought that we would be trying to work it out at this stage. This book has described our story to a T. This author has another book I got called "His Needs Her Needs" It is very good.
4 people found this helpful
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Joshua Kirk
5.0 out of 5 stars This book is a lifesaver
Reviewed in the United States on May 5, 2020
Verified Purchase
This is a great book that I would recommend for anyone that has been cheated on. I keep an extra copy in my library so I can give it away to anyone that becomes the victim of a cheating spouse. It will help them immensely. This book was insightful and easy to read. Buy it for a friend or family member that is in crisis. They won’t be able to put it down once they start reading it.
3 people found this helpful
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ll
5.0 out of 5 stars Highly recommended!
Reviewed in the United States on August 5, 2004
Verified Purchase
I suvived my ordeal by following the advice in Dr. Harley's book as well as on his web site [...] I had an affair several months ago. I was totally confused, devastated, depressed, and thought about suicide. I tried looking for help but most people are not sympathetic toward the wayward spouse. I learned about Dr. Harley and was comforted to know that he understands the wayward spouse's feeling and point of view. I followed his advice regarding total separation from my lover valuable- it was the hardest thing in the world to do- I loved him and the thought of never communicating with him devastated me. But I am so glad in retrospect that I lived throught the withdrawel. I now have a better relationship with my husband, and after three months of not communicating with my lover, I can now see the affiar for the mistake that it was. I am very grateful to Dr. Harley- his iron-clad policy regarding total separation with my lover was absolutely right!

I highly recommend this book especailly if, like myself, you are having an affair and would like advice on what to do next. I understand your pain and struggle. Trust me, buy this book, or at least go to his website and read the articles. You might think that total separtion from your lover is impossible. Trust me, the pain was excruciating, but it was it. I saved my marriage and my life. And you can save yours.
81 people found this helpful
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Melinda Myers
3.0 out of 5 stars missing something...
Reviewed in the United States on August 1, 2015
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this is a very helpful book for a couple dealing with the furor of betrayal. i wish there was more said about creating a functional, solid marriage when one party is not willing to spend the large amount of time involved, or to evolve in their intimate communication to include meaningful, mutual sharing, but both spouses are committed to staying married. ideas for how a giving spouse can persist in meeting her partners needs regardless of his own response would be so helpful.
2 people found this helpful
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Top reviews from other countries

DannyG
5.0 out of 5 stars A must read, excellent advise for married couples
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on February 15, 2021
Verified Purchase
The book goes through and explains both sides of an affair, then goes to explain how to avoid it in the future and provides answers to those who finds themselves in such a situation with step by step proven solutions on how to deal with it. I recommend this books as it is a preventative medicine for your relationship if you haven't gone through the tragedy of an affair and also gives an advice of how to deal with an affair. It is well worth the money.
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Reuven Brody
5.0 out of 5 stars A classic
Reviewed in Canada on August 17, 2015
Verified Purchase
I think that the approach taken by Dr. Harley puts him among the top of the experts on saving marriages. The book is a bit repetitive and could have been shortened. But, either way, the information is a gold mine.
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Martin B.
5.0 out of 5 stars how to overcome an affair and fall in love again
Reviewed in Germany on December 16, 2014
Verified Purchase
easy to read, even for those who don't have English as their mother tongue, clearly outlined, a step-by-step guide - a way to get out of the devastating experience of an affair
One person found this helpful
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Hazel Roebuck
4.0 out of 5 stars Four Stars
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on September 18, 2015
Verified Purchase
easy reading to put things into a little perspective when you are living through the worst pain EVER
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Carolann
3.0 out of 5 stars Helpful
Reviewed in Canada on October 6, 2019
Verified Purchase
There is lots of helpful tips and information to implement in your marriage and with your spouse. I found it helpful
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