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Name: The Self-Love Experiment: Fifteen Principles for Becoming More Kind, Compassionate, and Accepting of Yourself: Kaiser, Shannon: 9780143130697: Amazon.com: Books
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The Self-Love Experiment: Fifteen Principles for Becoming More Kind, Compassionate, and Accepting of Yourself Paperback – August 29, 2017

by Shannon Kaiser (Author)

4.5 956 ratings

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Put a stop to self-sabotage and overcome your fears so that you can gain the confidence you need to reach your goals and become your own best friend.

Too many people seem to believe that they are not allowed to put themselves first or go after their own dreams out of fear of being selfish or sacrificing others' needs. The Self-Love Experiment rectifies this problem. Whether you want to achieve weight loss, land your dream job, find your soul mate, or get out of debt, it all comes back to self-love and accepting yourself first. Shannon Kaiser learned the secrets to loving herself, finding purpose, and living a passion-filled life after recovering from eating disorders, drug addictions, corporate burnout, and depression.
Shannon walks you through her own personal experiment, a simple plan that compassionately guides you through the process of removing fear-based thoughts, so you can fall in love with life. If you want to change your outcome in life, you have to change your daily habits and perspective. Shannon takes you on this great journey into self-love and true self-acceptance.

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Editorial Reviews

Review

* #1 of the 20 Self-Love Books That Will Lift You Up--Oprah Magazine * Top 12 Inspirational Books You'll Want to Finish --Cosmopolitan
* Top Books to Find Your Center -- Cosmopolitan Philippines * Top Self-Love Books to Gift Yourself -- Elle India * Best Books About Self-Love -- Good HouseKeeping

From the Author

It is my greatest wish that you dive into this book with an open heart and mind and understand how amazing you truly are. This book helped me find lasting self-love, and it has the power to help transform your life. As I share in the book, "Suddenly it made sense: to stop hating myself is to raise the vibration on the planet. To stop loathing myself is to reduce the negativity and pain in the world." Self-love is the greatest thing we can do to help ourselves and help the world. --Shannon Kaiser

About the Author

Shannon Kaiser is the author of Adventures for Your Soul: 21 Ways to Transform Your Habits and Reach Your Full Potential, Find Your Happy: An Inspirational Guide to Loving Life to the Fullest, and Find Your Happy Daily Mantras: 365 Days of Motivation for a Happy, Peaceful and Fulfilling Life. She has been named among the "top 100 women to watch in wellness" by Mind Body Green. She is a six-time contributing author to Chicken Soup for the Soul and an international life coach and speaker.

Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.

LET GO OF THE OUTCOME

We secretly wait in vain on the path to becoming our better self. We want to become the person who has reached the goal, the relationship, the healthy weight, or abundant bank account. We believe we are almost there but just not quite. This is the almost-paradise syndrome. I have a friend who’s talked about winning the lottery for the past twenty years. She always says, “When I win the lottery, I will buy a new car. When I win the lottery, I will invest in the self-development online program I’ve always wanted to take.” It is always when I “get,” then I will “do.” I always want to say, “Why don’t you do that now? Why is the lottery standing in your way?” Truth be told, if you really wanted it, couldn’t you find a way to get it now? Yes, in fact this is the mindset we want to adopt. In order to reach our true potential, we have to show up for ourselves in the present by following through on our dreams right now, not later.

When we say things like “When I win the lottery, when I lose weight or meet my soul mate, then I will be happy,” we are subconsciously sending a message to ourselves that we don’t matter and our desires are not a worthy pursuit. Meaning, we are waiting for external factors: the lottery, the boss to give us the raise, another person to fill the romantic void, etc. In doing this we are settling. I call this the almost-paradise syndrome. The almost-paradise is the pursuit of becoming but with an attention on lack. We want something that has not yet arrived, so we focus more on how it is not here. This lack builds up and prevents us from further pursuing our true desires. It keeps us in a holding pattern. Twenty years later my friend has still to win the jackpot because she is stuck in almost-paradise.

Life is in this moment, not tomorrow. The greatest gift The Self-Love Experiment can give us is to fully understand that paradise is right here, always. It is not in some far-off dream always beyond our grasp — it is within us, in our hearts. Paradise is realizing that you are perfect, in this moment, just as you are.

One of my favorite movies, The Beach (2000), based on the book by Alex Garland, is about the pursuit of perfection. The movie is filled with metaphors and idealistic forms of life. For many of us, no matter our age, background, economic, religious, social preferences, we are always in search of something. As quoted therein: We circle our lives trying to find that missing piece, as if paradise will give us our happy ending.

And as Richard, the main character, says, “Never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite, and never outstay the welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience. And if it hurts, you know what? It's probably worth it.”

That's the thing about striving — it sometimes hurts. Waiting for our outcome becomes painful, but the hurt is part of the experience of life. The setbacks, the pain, the missed opportunities and failures all amount to this moment, and this moment matters because paradise is not tomorrow, it is today.

The main character, Richard, played by Leonardo DiCaprio, goes on to say, “You hope and you dream. But you never believe that something's gonna happen for you. Not like it does in the movies. And when it actually does, you want it to feel different, more visceral, more real.”

This is why the almost-paradise syndrome feels so natural, because when we do get what we’ve been waiting for, it feels different than what we thought. Many of us skip over it quickly in pursuit of a bigger, newer, shinier paradise.

As Alex Garland writes in The Beach, “I still believe in paradise. But now at least I know it's not some place you can look for, 'cause it's not where you go. It's how you feel for a moment in your life when you're a part of something, and if you find that moment ... it lasts forever.

What is your paradise, that ultimate goal and desire you’ve been working so hard towards? Ask yourself what the real feeling you want is. For example, maybe you want to meet your soul mate. You crave a relationship with a partner who understands you, loves you for who you are and respects and admires you. The outcome you are focusing on of course is meeting a partner, we think the getting what we want will give us what we need but the opposite is true. When we do this we are so focused on the outcome. The truth is we must give ourselves what we desire first, and then it can come to us much easier. If you want a soul mate so you can feel loved, first love yourself. Understand yourself, respect and admire you.

If you give yourself what you want first, then you will see it is all in you already.

Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ TarcherPerigee (August 29, 2017)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Paperback ‏ : ‎ 336 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 0143130692
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-0143130697
Item Weight ‏ : ‎ 10.6 ounces
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 8.2 x 5.4 x 0.9 inches

Best Sellers Rank: #88,022 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- #684 in Self-Esteem (Books)
- #1,369 in Happiness Self-Help
- #2,364 in Personal Transformation Self-Help

Customer Reviews:
4.5 956 ratings

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Shannon Kaiser

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Shannon Kaiser is the best-selling author of 6 books on the psychology of happiness and fulfillment including #1 international bestseller The Self-Love Experiment, Adventures for Your Soul, Find Your Happy Daily Mantras, Joy Seeker and newest book Return to You: 11 Spiritual Lessons for Unshakable Inner Peace. She is also the designer/creator of Unshakable Inner Peace oracle card deck and Find Your Happy Mantra deck. As an international empowerment coach, speaker and retreat leader, she empowers people to awaken and align with their true self so they can live the life they were made for.

She’s been named top 100 Women to Watch in Wellness by Mind Body Green alongside Cameron Diaz, Gwyneth Paltrow, Kris Carr and Gabriel Bernstein and one of the freshest voices in mental health and wellness by Chicken Soup for The Women’s Soul. She’s been named one of Entrepreneurs Must-Follow Instagram Accounts for Inspiration and Top Facebook Accounts for Daily Motivation by Mind Body Green.

Her website Playwiththeworld.com has been named top 75 Personal development websites and top 100 self-help websites by the institute for the Psychology of Eating.

Connect at playwiththeworld.com and on social media @ShannonKaiserWrites

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956 global ratings

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LT05

I really loved this book.

Reviewed in the United States on July 31, 2023

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It was a perfect complement to my therapy. Completely worth it!

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Hayjni

It's a perfect start for loving you more

Reviewed in the United States on August 14, 2018

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When you are searching self-love, this book will show you the way.
Shannon talks to you with kind and loving words. Your soul will appreciate it.
Even if English is not your first language it will be easy to read this book.
Holding this book i your hand will bring magic and love into your life.
I bought a second one to my best friend which ended up at an other friend's hands so I must purchase the third.
It's a MUST when you feel stuck in life and you already realized self-love is the key. Even if you don't know yet.
More I read the book, more I get to know myself and how much I still can do for my happiness and to love myself unconditionally.
Thanks Shannon

14 people found this helpful

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Judi Murphy

Love this

Reviewed in the United States on February 18, 2023

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I am reading this for book club and it is very eye opening. It is an easy read

2 people found this helpful

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Jamie

Practical Application and Collection of several good ideas

Reviewed in the United States on October 19, 2022

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I enjoyed reading the Self-love experiment. It was obvious early-on that the author and I had read much of the same source material, listened to many of the same teachers, and had common influences on our worldview. Even still, I found it a valuable read as it accounts a person's journey through the practical application of these principles and ideas. The modern pantheon of good teachers can be a bit heady at times, so it was nice to read a real person's account of how these influences came to bear fruit in a person's day-to-day.

4 people found this helpful

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Deone Reid

Love this book!

Reviewed in the United States on March 29, 2023

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This is a book that is so easy to read! I’m practicing some of the methods! Awesome book. Show up for yourself first before you are able to fully understand yourself and what you can or cannot do for others!

3 people found this helpful

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Eileen Connly

Sooooooo much filler

Reviewed in the United States on January 17, 2020

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So much filler. There was also a ton of repetitive stuff. The author mostly talks about how she wants to lose weight and then instead loves her body. Which is fine but as someone who lost weight I was looking for something that would help me mentally. There’s some really good information in it, but it’s so bogged down In the filler I don’t know if it’s worth it.

2 people found this helpful

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Kate Snowise

Finally, a REAL & PRACTICAL book about Self-Love

Reviewed in the United States on August 29, 2017

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This is the book I've been waiting for around self-love. The author talks about her own journey, but at the same time, brings you along to help deepen into your own self-love. What I love about this book is that the message is honest - Self-Love isn't a quick fix, it's a journey of self-compassion, self-respect, and learning to accept the parts of yourself that you may not always view as lovable. So many excellent principles in here to help bring the message home. It's a must read.

16 people found this helpful

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Sherri Goldman

Many epiphanies!

Reviewed in the United States on November 6, 2017

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This book is full of epiphanies and personal stories. It is about facing and embracing the internal struggles we have, and framing them as wounds that need healing. It is about being present in the struggles and recognizing many of them are rooted in childhood when we didn't have the ability to resolve them. Wounds that don't heal, are often ignored, and when confronted sting. But we must clean the wounds.

11 people found this helpful

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Bianca

Highly recommended

Reviewed in Canada on December 30, 2023

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I started to read this book and could not keep it down!
I lives it it was a very helpful and informative book
I highly recommended it

Kuralamudhu

Money worth

Reviewed in India on July 6, 2023

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Everyone must read this book

One person found this helpful

Thechick

Good read

Reviewed in Germany on January 10, 2021

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I would recommend this book to a friend who has problems with her body image. Overall good to start out with

Jesús Murguía

Increíble despertar

Reviewed in Mexico on August 8, 2018

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Soy amante de los libros de auto ayuda pero éste en especial tiene la particularidad de darte el poder de hacerte cargo de ti mismo. Me encantó!

One person found this helpful

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MJ

This book has the potential to change your life!

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 8, 2019

Verified Purchase

Ive never read a book that I can relate to on so many levels. I’m always looking out for new self help books and this one is definitely a 10/10 for me. The author relates everything to EVERYONE on some level and offers great tips to help you achieve self love. Before reading this book I was a little reserved by the title as I struggle to “love myself” as many people do (as it sounds pig headed)...but this book helps you understand the importance of self love/care and gives you ideas on how to implement changes into your life. certainly this book is a good read if you need help in the self love department but without being brain washed into the psychology and science behind it!

3 people found this helpful

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